My husband and I moved away from our hometown. His best friend visited us several times a year, and we'd visit back home.

Ten years ago, after a group went out for drinks, he gave my husband a lift, then disappeared. He left his apartment with no forwarding address. He cut ties with our hometown friends.

Four years ago, I connected with his sister. He agreed to meet with me alone to explain. Apparently, my husband, in a drunken rage, accused him of having an affair with me. It wasn't the first time, but it was the last.

I treated this man no different than my other close friends. He and I now get together at his place for coffee. He wants to stay friends but wants nothing to do with my husband. My best friend and his girlfriend are the only people who know of our connection.

He and my husband were like brothers and it hurts that this close friendship ended. My husband was always drunk when he made accusations - he's cut back on his drinking considerably - and I think it could be resurrected if they just talked it out.

I feel sad and a little guilty that I'm now part of this man's life. I'd like to tell my husband - I know he misses him - but having hid this for four years, I wouldn't blame him if he were upset. Do I keep my mouth shut and stay friends? Or do I choose my husband's side and cut my losses?

Sad

Stop seeing this man and talk to your husband, fast. If he ever learns of your re-connection, he'll believe he was right ten years ago, even if drunk!

Tell your husband that you've seen his friend, through his sister, and that you did so in hopes they'd reconcile. He owes his friend an apology... and if he's cut back on alcohol, he knows he was to blame, as a loose-lipped, jealous drunk.

But tell him that, if he won't make the gesture, you'll stick by him, and not see the man again. That proves your loyalty.... but may not move him.

By age nine, my younger brother was doing drugs, drinking, and running away. By ten, he stole my parents' car and was caught by police. He lies and steals from family and strangers. He sells drugs. He's 16, has been to jail three times, and was in a group home until he threatened suicide.

Children's services did nothing to help. He's seen social workers, psychiatrists, etc. They all tell my parents it's their fault (it's not) and try to put him on drugs for ADHD. He tried those drugs at age eight; they never helped him.

I'm worried it's a more serious mental illness, but they won't consider it until he's 18. He threatens suicide almost daily. Everybody thinks it's just a cry for attention and bad parenting. He never goes to school.

I'm appalled at how easily someone his age can slip through the cracks, and also at our family's treatment by these people. What can I do to help before it's too late?

Terrified

You need an advocate, such as a lawyer for children's issues. And your family needs information and support, through a mental health association. Stay pro-active, not defensive; do research and seek out more experts in the field. Meanwhile, keep close contact with your brother, as best you can.

I invite readers who've had experience with similar problems to write their suggestions.

I'm 20, and this guy that I work with is really nice, funny, smart, and easy on the eyes, too. He's complimented my hair, my perfume, my work ethic, etc. My friend has suggested that he might be interested in me.

I see him in a different light and now I'm smitten. But I don't know if he's just being nice, or if he's legitimately interested. He's nice to the other girls at work, but hasn't said stuff about their perfume... to my knowledge. Or is he just being a nice guy?

Smitten

Here's a useful lesson to learn at age 20: Just because a guy may be interested, doesn't qualify him for romantic feelings on your part. You need to get to know him, not just be all fluttery because he likes your perfume. He hasn't asked you out yet, so there's nothing more than "nice guy" to consider.