I’ve been sleeping with this woman for months but have no idea if this is going anywhere. We met at a party, both felt instantly attracted and in the mood. Maybe it was the free drinks, or the fact we’d both broken up with people recently, but we started a hot sexual relationship when knowing little more than each other’s names.

I really like her. She’s funny, unself-conscious, relaxed, and adventuresome. Yet I still know almost nothing about her family or past relationships, and little about her work, because we mostly only make small talk, nothing personal.

She seems content with things just as they are – we have great sex twice a week, and the sleepover at my place ends when she wakes up and leaves. We never go to her place. I don’t even have the exact address yet.

How do I find out if there’s a possibility of having a real relationship and if she really likes me too?

No Clue

You’re crossing the line. You’re trying to change the unspoken deal, and break the unwritten code of what’s strictly a booty-call relationship. You’ve transitioned – alone - into developing feelings.

While some people may secretly wish this would happen in “booty” arrangements – and, rarely, both parties DO move to dating openly – your sex partner has the for-now, cool approach down pat. She wants the sex, nothing more, not even coffee.

She likely has reasons – she could be married and seeking outside adventure, or better sex. Or she’s marking time and staying sexually active till she meets someone with whom she wants “more.”

It IS clear she doesn’t want more from you. Protect yourself emotionally. Either ask the hard questions and be sure you’re getting the truth, or…. end it.

I’m separated from my unforgiving husband who blamed me for everything. He expected emotional support for every cold yet gave back almost nothing for critical events in my life – e.g. a car accident, and family emergencies.

He told me he kept charts of events where I disappointed him.

The answer to understanding him is called Asperger's Syndrome (AS). He’s high functioning - successful at work, intelligent, charming. But at home, he blames others for everything, can’t empathize, and only understands how anything impacts him.

In heated discussions, he goes off topic, cannot control his voice's pitch, and doesn’t get social cues e.g. when someone’s showing disinterest.

After separating, I met with a counsellor for my son. I stated my belief his dad has Asperger's. My husband didn’t bend, or adapt. He’d push our son to go on long bike rides in the heat, which my son hated, and wouldn’t consider shorter evening rides.

Knowing about Asperger's would probably have helped my marriage earlier.

Wanted to Share

Your son’s father will hopefully always be in his life, so it’s important that you do understand him to the best of your ability, and keep informed on the research that’s currently being advanced in this area.

However, you also need to have confirmed, if possible, your “belief” that he has Asperger’s or a related condition, especially for your son’s sake as scientists say there’s a genetic vulnerability to AS, though no specific gene has yet been found.

Staying friendly and supportive with your ex – which may be easier now – would be ideal. I sincerely hope you can do it. But if not, get counselling to heal yourself past the emotional abuse you felt during the marriage.

FEEDBACK Regarding the neighbour’s angry outburst about cats on her property (May 30):

Reader #1 – “I like cats but have none, and hate it when other people’s cats wander into my yard. A Calgary by-law states that owners mustn’t let their cats wander onto other's property and they must wear a collar identifying ownership.

“It’s within my rights to contact by-law people to have the offending animals impounded. The owner must pay to retrieve them.

“The cat owner should’ve acted responsibly by keeping the cats on their own property.”

Reader #2 – “The lifespan of a street cat averages two years. Cats kept indoors can live to age 25. With lots of toys and love, they live very happy lives.

“I’m an animal lover and would also worry that this angry neighbour may try to harm the cats. Keep them safely inside, and teach the children that this is the responsible way.”