I'm 21, and for the first year of dating my boyfriend we were living together at his parents' house.
For this year, I'm living with my parents' again, and our relationship changed a lot. A number of events occurred which made me lose trust in him. We've been arguing constantly, we both have doubts, yet we can't let go of each other.
We love each other and want to be together in the future, and be a family.
I've been hinting about us moving in together. He's aware of what I'm trying to say, but he's not doing anything about it.
What do you recommend?
The worst time to move in together is when you both have doubts.
The worst reason for moving in together is because you "can't let go." You two need to figure out what went wrong when you moved apart. Was it a sense of freedom that caused your boyfriend to do things that cost your trust?
If so, a break may be what you both need, before making a commitment about the future and having a family.
Stop hinting, and start talking openly and honestly.
My father blatantly favours my sister; though it's always been over small things, I'm ready to blow up at him. I'm 22 and don't need him around anymore. Example: I was searching for a book I owned, my sister denied knowing where it was, but I later found it in her room. I called her a liar, but my father screamed at me.
Recently my sister moved out but demanded the blender which she said we "never use." When I said that my mother and I use it constantly, my sister called us liars. My father only laughed.
My mother tried to treat us equally so I'd like to keep contact with her.
I want to discuss this with my father, but she says not to. Besides, whenever I ask him anything real, he shrugs and walks away.
I don't blame my sister; we usually get along.
Is there any point in trying to work things out with my father, or is it time to close the door on him?
- Fed Up
While I believe it's important for you to try to maintain a relationship, it's clear that the situation has to change. It's unlikely he'll acknowledge wrongdoing or change his ways easily; but you will naturally be changing your circumstances and reactions, as you mature.
Working toward gaining independence is far more constructive than a confrontation, or cutting off all ties. If it's possible for you to move out and support yourself, that's the time for a fresh start.
But if you must live with your parents, or still need their financial support, it's unhelpful and unwise to create a blow-up drama.
Now that your sister's gone, you can try to spend some non-combative time with your father and see if the relationship improves. (Asking him about his own childhood and family life might give you insights.)
If there's no progress, focus on your work and schooling, so you can start your own life and deal with him from the perspective of a separate, self-supporting individual.
I graduated recently from college and moved to a new city where I know no one.
I work the afternoon shift at work, which prevents me from doing evening activities during the week.
I go to the YMCA in the mornings and do group fitness classes in the hopes of finding a friend or friends, but there are mostly older people there in the mornings.
Most of my co-workers are also several years older than me and have families.
How can I make friends in an unfamiliar city?
In the early stages of a move, some research, scouting, outreach and optimism are required to find a network and routine.
Look for weekend activities where you might meet a younger crowd - check out a local community centre, as well as fitness clubs, the "Y", and organized sports or interests (see newspaper events listings).
If you enjoy the “Y’s” group fitness, continue there and let it be known you're new in town, looking for friends and activities - someone's bound to have relatives/neighbours or contacts with people they can connect you to.
The same goes for work - chat up your colleagues, show interest in their lives and they'll show interest in helping you improve yours.
Tip of the day:
Moving in together is not a "fix" for existing doubts about a relationship.