We're married 20 years, with wonderful kids. We studied and worked in an Asian country for 15 years before recently moving to Canada.

Several months prior, I discovered my wife was cheating. She claimed it was a former university friend catching up. I told her to stay arms' distance, as he was still a bachelor. But she began calling him several times daily, spending many hours talking and emailing everyday. She said it wasn't possible to stop, as she cared for him.

After we moved, I soon learned she was secretly calling him again when I wasn't at home searching for jobs on the Internet. She's started picking fights with me over very small things from years ago.

I also discovered she went to meet him a couple of times. I don't want to see this family break up, the kids will suffer the most. But she doesn't care about my feelings anymore! How can I solve this problem?

Distraught

Anticipating this major move apparently had an emotional impact on her; I'm guessing she re-connected with this man for a sense of security in the midst of upheaval.... but it's become a romantic escape.

You MUST get her to agree to joint counselling, to confront why this has happened and what are the consequences. Approach her about counselling as crucial for the children in the case of a separation, so that you can both continue as effective parents.

It may be the only way to get HER to face reality and YOU to be pro-active about how your future will look.

Recently, at a function, I saw a guy standing off in the corner alone; being nice, I initiated a conversation. He's friendly enough, but exhibits no self-esteem. He asked for my phone number, which I gave, saying we could maybe have a coffee together some time.

He appears to have decided that I'm his best friend. He calls constantly, wanting to get together or just chat. He's said that other people have said he's "boring" and therefore don't want to spend time with him. I feel badly for him, and I'd be willing to see or chat with him once every two to three weeks, but not every second day.

I mostly avoid his calls but this hasn't cut down on how often he tries to reach me. I feel like I'm being a "mercy" friend, which isn't really fair to either of us.

Ellie, he's 40 going on 85. His wardrobe is outrageously out-of-date as is his hairstyle, he shuffles when he walks and slouches his shoulders constantly. With a makeover, he'd be reasonably good-looking; more importantly, he'd probably find people more open to connecting with him. But I don't know him well enough to tell him so, and I'd be concerned about bruising his ego.

Too Nice?

Be even nicer, and keep your wardrobe suggestions to yourself, unless you intend to become close buddies (and you don't). Otherwise, you'd set him up to follow your suggestions, then feel devastated when his "makeover" doesn't turn you into pals.

Answer his next call. Say that you're busy with a work project and can't chat or get together this month. Then, offer some genuine, reasonable suggestions for his making more contacts.

Use your sincere goodwill to do a little research on where a single guy, 40, with whatever interests you've gleaned from him, can find potential friends. Keep up occasional contact for at least awhile.

My grandfather just passed away; he visited us maybe five times as I grew up, and I'd see him downtown a few times.

Now Mom's younger sister and older brother want her to pay toward the funeral. My grandpa wrote a letter two years back stating that he'd given money to them to cover his funeral expenses and that Mom needn't pay since we hadn't been in touch. But my aunt won't reveal the amount.

Mom just wants to do her part as a daughter and pay. I don't agree with her. Her siblings and their children had been receiving money from my grandparents already. My grandparents' house and bank accounts are under my aunt's name. What can I do?

Unfair

Respect your mother's wishes, and her decency. This isn't your deal. Despite whatever caused the distancing, your Mom's responding as a daughter and as family member. That's her right and her need.