My two brothers continually ask me to borrow money, $50 here or $80 there. They always pay me back when they say they will, so that's not the issue. But I'm tired of it, I'm not a bank, and they are in their mid-20s! One even has a baby on the way!
I feel it's very hard to say no to my own brothers, though I have on a few occasions, lying and saying I didn't have any money. So how do I put an end to this for good and teach them to learn to stand on their own two feet? I can't even imagine how it will be once this baby arrives!
- Emotionally Spent
Do as banks do - alert these moochers that their credit with you has expired.
You’d be doing them a favour, by giving them notice that they need to organize their own finances. They need to learn to limit their spending to what they can afford. And they may also benefit from making appointments with a bank adviser, to learn about consolidating any loans they already have, and paying less interest, so they can build a responsible credit rating.
Your job as a sibling is NOT to cave in on their requests; instead, let them grow up on their own.
When the baby comes, give a gift you can afford of something practical that’s needed, but don’t allow Borrowing Bros make you feel guilty about not giving handouts.
I absolutely adore my girlfriend of eight months – she’s very attractive, sweet and funny, but I two months ago I noticed something was wrong, and she finally confessed she’s bulimic.
I have no idea was to do about it. I don't understand what she’s thinking; the website I read only told me on that bulimia is wrong, and its effects and symptoms.
How do I really know if she’s stopped as she says, and how do I help her?
- I Don’t Get It
You DO get it, that the best thing a boyfriend/girlfriend can do is get informed about eating disorders in order to be supportive and helpful. That’s a great start.
While Anorexia Nervosa (Anorexia) usually involves severe food restriction which leads to drastic weight loss, Bulimia Nervosa (Bulimia) involves eating or binge-eating and purging it through vomiting, laxatives, diuretics, etc.
Though people with eating disorders generally dislike their body shape and size, the root cause usually has to do with internal emotional struggles, such as family problems, a past traumatic event or the effects of society’s emphasis on physical appearance.
Here are some things you (and other close friends) can do to help someone you suspect is bulimic or anorexic:
- Tell your girlfriend that you’re worried about her, and she needs help beyond your caring about her. Encourage her to speak to a parent, or trusted adult.
- Encourage her to see a doctor, counsellor, nurse or dietitian.
- Help her to find a teen clinic or an eating disorder clinic.
- If she denies still having the problem, or withdraws from you, talk to a trusted adult who can help her – such as a guidance counsellor, the school nurse or your parents.
I’m in high school, dating a guy for 10 months, we never fight and my parents say they can see us together forever. It's comforting and believable to both of us.
By coincidence, we both want to go to universities in the same city, next year. Is it wrong to be planning a future with someone, when so young, even if you feel you’ve found The One?
- Questioning Myself Too
Some “high-school sweethearts” do last, and that’s what brings an element of enchantment to the vision of truly compatible young lovers.
But only time will tell if yours is a relationship that allows each of you to grow, achieve independence and emerge into the world of work and family life, with your feelings intact.
Going off to school in the same city is fine, so long as you two don’t cling to each other for all your socializing. You both need the freedom to make new friends (not always the same ones) and attend some events of interest, separately. Don’t be pressured into thinking this relationship MUST last; just enjoy it while it does.
Tip of the day:
Lending money frequently can ruin a relationship.