My girlfriend, 23, and I, 24 have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, and have spent up to a month at a time living together, so we’re confident that this relationship will work. 

She has greater career flexibility, so is ready to move the three time zones to be with me. However, though her mother is pleasant when I’ve spent time with her, I hear from my girlfriend her mother’s passive-aggressive comments that her moving away from home won’t work, or isn’t necessary.

Her mother’s concerns range from this being an interracial relationship, to our intention to move in together immediately after my girlfriend arrives.

I’d like to have a warm relationship with my girlfriend’s parents so, aside from continuing to be friendly, polite and seemingly oblivious to her mother’s attitude, what can I do?

- Aspiring Mama’s Boy

Ask your girlfriend if she’s raising these concerns just to keep you informed, OR if she has her own worries and wants to spark debate by using Mom as the catalyst. 

Confidence in the relationship should give your girlfriend the strength and conviction to tell her mother that she’s going ahead with her plans, and would prefer Mom to be supportive in order to make the move easier. But if she’s anxious herself, you two need more talk about yourselves and your plans, and less about her mother.

Meanwhile, continue being friendly and polite to her mom.

When your girlfriend joins you, a little sweetener wouldn’t hurt: Add a note of communication to her reports home – e.g. that you hope that they’ll be able to visit in the future as you want them to feel part of your lives.

My mom and I are very close, which I love, but she often comments on my marriage and child-rearing methods. 

How do I balance our relationship?

- Annoyed

Tell her less. Stay close by sharing time, warmth, and caring, but NOT all details of your personal life. 

When she makes comments, change topic.

 I’ve been in a committed seven-year relationship with an awesome guy. 

I consider myself as having good career prospects. He’s well educated with a good work ethic, but has a criminal record that I believe has prevented his being successful or getting a prominent position.

It bothers me that he doesn’t get job offers (even before the economic crisis) despite that he’s confident and persistent.

I’m afraid that if I share these feelings, he’ll break up with me for not believing in him. Yet it’s hard for me to support him, with such harsh feelings.

What can I do to be a better support system and girlfriend?

- Crushed

Look into the requirements for a pardon from his criminal record, to see if he qualifies. 

See www.nationalpardon.org to learn which jobs are restricted against people with a Canadian criminal record (regardless of qualifications), and which jobs require a criminal record search; e.g. employment in banking, investments, teaching, insurance, and more.

If he’s granted a pardon, these restrictions and searches are no longer required.

Your boyfriend can benefit from this information by tailoring his job-hunting. He’ll undoubtedly appreciate your support in making this practical, informed effort to help him.

Even starting a pardon application is a positive step that signals to employers that he’s moved on and showing responsibility. As with your help, it’ll add a boost to his self-esteem. Note: The Canadian Human Rights Act forbids discrimination based on a pardoned conviction (with some limitations e.g. for certain sexual offences).

My groom of eight months prefers to avoid conflict but has become more assertive through counselling. 

However, his mother and sister don’t respect him - he had a “rebellious past,” but has turned his life around and apologized. They still try to walk over him, and make negative comments.

He still cannot stand up to his mom; it hurts to see both women treat him like a dog. We now sidestep their dramas and try to resolve things respectfully.

I want to have closeness with his family but they push him away, since he now knows what it’s like to be respected and loved.

What can I do to help his relationship with them?

- Frustrated

Keep showering love, respect and support on your man, and minimize contact with difficult relatives, without being rude. Your united approach will keep you both strong, despite their negativity. 

They may not change, so focus on your marriage.