I've been dating a married man for several months though I always vowed I wouldn't. We met through a business-related course; I thought he was single, until our first date.

After 20 years together, his wife's pursuing her own interests in another city. She shows no interest in coming back home to be with him. He has his own company here, which is demanding, and goes to visit her only occasionally, but not since we started dating.

Still, I feel guilty about his wife, and worried whether they'll suddenly get back together. We have a powerful connection and have both declared our love. His one adult child is married with a baby, and my boyfriend seems happy for us to carry on dating this intensely.

Is he just having a fling while his wife's away? Do I have to end it because he's still married, or insist he gets divorced, or just ignore my unease about the future? I'm 40, he's 46.

Guilt vs. Passion

You can't just turn off discomfort with a tap. You have to do something about it. Decide what kind of future you want.... because if it's the whole nine yards of a relationship, you need to be prepared for the storm ahead.

His wife is not going to appreciate that her husband's acting as if separated when this hasn't been discussed. His son certainly won't welcome you at first.

If you have enough grit and love to deal with these problems, ask your guy what he expects/wants for the future. Should he declare that he, too, wants to be together, then insist on a timeline for when he'll ask for a legal separation.

Your "guilt" has to do with insecurity about what both of you are doing, so be clear that you cannot carry on this way. You may need to back out of the picture for a while, while he comes to his own decision, whether fling or shared future.

My husband's parents are judgmental, negative, and though supportive "financially," not in other ways. Last year when they were buying a property they didn't consider using me as their realtor. They told my husband it's because I'm not with the "biggest brand name company," (although I'm with the top company if they did their research).

It was completely insulting and I feel completely unsupported. My husband stood up for me and also feels they didn't support us in this matter.

Because of this and a few other matters, we've estranged ourselves from them for the past year. Turns out they bought privately after using another realtor's time so I know this was for the best as I didn't have to deal with them - however I feel this says a lot about them and their support for us. It's almost as if they don't want to see us do well and they don't want to see us more successful than them.

I just find this odd. I know it's extreme to estrange ourselves but it felt like such a sting and they're difficult to communicate with.

What's really "odd" is how much I believe you're NOT saying. These in-laws supported you financially, but chose to not buy a house through you. Perhaps they find you difficult and judgmental, too.

Money is such a personal and emotional issue; it's not unusual when people feel their most important business matters should be done through neutral parties. They gave their reason, and you and their son estranged yourselves from them, despite their past handouts.

Pretty harsh. And odd.

My daughter's boyfriend (four years) lived in our home for two years. They're now living together on their own. He's focused on being wealthy by mid-30s. His frugality appears obsessive. He keeps track of every cent - her money, too.

On her 30th birthday, he didn't even give her a card. It's the same for Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. She's discussed this with him but he deems it unnecessary. She loves him and doesn't want to fight. I'm worried sick about her future with him. Should I speak to him? I know she's hurt but still hopes to marry him.

Worried Mom

Talk to your daughter, not him. His goal of wealth may not be reached so early, if ever. Is she prepared for more obsession, his always ignoring her feelings on special occasions, his monitoring (control) of her money as well as "theirs?"

Let her decide.