I recently caught my husband having an affair with his subordinate. I decided to leave him because of the hurt and insult I felt.

I’d been taking care of him, our home, and two children for 16 years, plus working full-time, without any help from him.

And all the while receiving constant criticism on food not done right, his shirts not ironed properly, coffee not hot enough, and me not looking attractive for him. Also, dealing with his mostly-crabby temper.

Eventually, I’d just accepted his personality.

So I said I was leaving without the kids because they’d be more comfortable in their house rather than moving to a small apartment with me, and leaving their friends and schools.

He begged me to stay, said he’s finished the affair, and it was a mistake. I said he’d have to change everything else that has hurt me over the years.

Coincidently my mom got sick, so I left the country for two months, taking the younger child.

The separation did wonders, because he actually realized that it’s not easy to live without me, considering the amount of housework there is.

He was also afraid that I might tell family and friends about it (which I didn't), and he didn't want his good image tarnished.

It’s been a month since I'm back and he’s really trying to be good.

I haven’t mentioned “her”' in our house, and have acknowledged his efforts.

Inside, I'm still aching and don't trust him, but life has been better otherwise.

To anyone in a similar situation: Make sure it never happens again, give him a chance to do what makes you happy, and then forgive him with a warning.

Recovering From Affair 

Thanks for sharing. Yes, a “break” or short separation rather than a full on split does give everyone a chance to re-assess what happened, what’s possible to change, and whether change can be sustained.

That last part is yet uncertain in your case, after just one month vs. past years of distance and disrespect.

You do NOT want to be appreciated only for your housework. If he hasn’t also changed his attitude towards you as a partner, especially his former critical and crabby approach, re-assess again.

My daughter, in Grade 5, has physically grown like a girl in Grade 9, e.g. puberty, menstrual periods, etc.

She feels lonely at school, acts weird at home, and doesn’t like going to school. All the other girls in her class are small and different from her.

She feels that no one likes talking to her. As her mother, how can I support her emotionally and physically?

We’re a loving, caring family of four. Her elder sister is okay, taller than her, and growing normally. The younger girl’s very smart in studies, presents no other concerns.

At home she seldom smiles and stays stressed after she comes from school.

Want Her Happy!

Ask your family doctor for a general check-up and discuss referral to a specialist, e.g. an endocrinologist who deals in hormones. It appears that your daughter’s hormones are in overdrive for her age, but there’s generally a cause for this.

Do this soon, and show your daughter the family support not only of the love you feel, but also the determination to discover what’s happening and help her with whatever adjustments can be made through medications, treatments, emotional counselling, etc.

Once she understands what’s happening and what can be done about it, hopefully it’ll help her face her social world.

I had friends round, somebody brought alcohol, and a girl got really drunk. Other people brought cigarettes.

Everyone’s blaming me. They all hate me.

They’re telling my friends that I’m a bad influence, not to hang around me. I’m so depressed; I don’t want to go to school.

I told my parents what happened. They grounded me, which I expected, and I’m taking my consequences.

I never meant to hurt anybody, just wanted everybody to have a good time.

How do I get back my friends, my reputation, and respect?

Black Mark in Melbourne

Own up to contributing to what went down, though unintentionally. Send a written note of apology (not an email) to the girl who got drunk, and her parents. Then call your closest friends, saying it’s not what you’d meant to happen, and you hope they’ll give you another chance.

(Email is unwise for this; it can be distorted and circulated too widely.)