Last year I broke my hip. It was a bad break and a long, painful recovery. Sex was off the table. My husband was understanding, affectionate and very helpful. The year has changed our lives, our routines, everything.

But I’m now feeling much better. My mobility is hugely increased, my pain is minimal and I’m feeling good. I’m also feeling horny. My husband isn’t having it. At first, I thought he was being respectful and thoughtful. But now I think he’s having an affair.

Why else would a man who enjoys sex, refuse to have sex with his wife, who is practically begging for it? Now we’re in a very bad place because we’re fighting. I’m mad at him and disappointed, which is pushing him further away.

What do I do?

Broken and Horny

I am so sorry that you had to go through all that physical pain. Hips are the worst! Your husband sounds as though he was very empathetic and helpful in the beginning. But it also sounds as though this year has taken its toll on him as well. He’s obviously had to pick up all your slack – and I don’t mean that rudely, but someone needed to do everything that was on your plate.

Maybe he is afraid of hurting you and will do anything to avoid prolonging this situation. Change your tone. Instead of begging, talk to him. Show him how grateful you are for everything he has done for you this past year. If sexual activity is a language you like to speak, show him your gratitude that way, by making him feel good, wanted and appreciated. Your actions could lead to reciprocal actions.

However, if you really think he’s having an affair, you’re going to need some third party help to decide whether this is the end of your marriage, or if there’s a way to move past this time and get back to where you were before the break.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the mom who didn’t understand why her son wouldn’t attend Christmas (Dec. 19):
“I wonder if the mother who wrote this letter did anything more to help her son understand what had happened to him. Did she get him therapy, did she talk to him about it, or did she feel overwhelmed and just ignore it because she didn't know how to deal with the abuse?  Did she provide any counselling, or did she give him the message that ‘nice’ families don't talk about that sort of thing? He is still clearly angry.

“I understand that the mother is sad and scared, but even when she wrote about her son’s abuse, she spoke only in the past tense and from her own point of view, that the abuse was over and done.  She could benefit from some counselling to understand her son's anger and to accept whatever he feels.  He will benefit from counselling to deal with his continuing anger.

“Sexual abuse of a young child, especially abuse that results in a trial, conviction and incarceration, is very serious and quite rare for even two decades ago.  It's not surprising that her son believed she knew. Tragically, this family could be helped by an experienced therapist who could guide each one through the understandings and misunderstandings, helping each of them to possibly develop a relationship.

Both son and mother have endured horrendous events.  I hope they can find some peace and possibly reconciliation.”

We have an imbalance of gift giving in our family. Essentially my wife does all the shopping (her preference), and we split the bill evenly (we keep separate bank accounts).  We’ve always done it like this because my wife is much more in tune with the kids and what they need/want. It’s never been a problem. This year we bought less gifts as we took the kids to New York for the holidays.

Once there, we went shopping and spent a fortune. My wife makes more money than I do, so she paid for everything.

This leaves me feeling like the lesser parent, especially since the girls seem to know that Mom paid. Am I making a big deal?

Too Cheap or Too Sensitive?

You can’t contribute if you don’t have the means. But why are gifts from one parent and not both, regardless of who pays? Do you split all your groceries down the middle? Do the kids know if mom paid for extra berries this week?

I suggest reconfiguring your thoughts around your finances. You can’t change bank balances, but you can change your attitudes towards spending and acknowledgment.