I'm engaged to a guy who's always been quiet and done his own thing, with just a couple of close friends. I'm more outgoing, love lots of fitness activities, and have other interests. After work, I may go to a gym, take salsa classes, study Mandarin, etc.

I'm busy four nights a week. My fiancé's waiting at home for me at least 3 of those 4 nights. He says I'm "blocking" our sex life, but I'm often willing when he's not... either because he fell asleep or is angry that I was out. Have I got the wrong guy for me?

Ignored at Home

You've got the wrong schedule.... yours lacks compromise. Becoming a couple with marriage plans requires some re-jigging of the life you led as a single. It's great to have many interests, but your interest in your relationship should be a priority.

You don't have to give up everything else, but all the various needs and wants have to be looked at with a view to moderation, as well as making time for HIM. If the gym takes up several visits, you don't need dance classes, too. Or you pick an activity you do both like.... and staying home for a "date night" qualifies as a joint activity.

My sister (who lives in another province) notified me that my brother passed away due to a car accident in Mexico, where he's lived for the past several years. He rarely contacted my parents, who are 94 and 87.

However, they care for him deeply and ask about him frequently. My mother has a heart condition and requires monthly checks at a hospital cardiac unit. My sister recommended that we not tell our parents that our brother died, as the news would be devastating to them.

I'm the older sister (and caregiver to my parents), and I'm torn between sparing them the heart-breaking news and telling them the truth. If I tell them, then I'm afraid that my mother will lose her will to live and stop taking her life-saving heart medications.

I also fear that both of them will fall into a deep depression (which has happened in the past). I'm the one who'll have to deal with the consequences alone, since my sister doesn't live here.

What's the best solution to this dilemma?

Uncertain and Worried

Talk to their doctors. Your mother may prefer to know the truth rather than get depressed waiting for her absent son to call, and not knowing why he doesn't. Her cardiologist may suggest that if you explain what happened, she may need closer monitoring for a while. Or he/she will inform you if the disclosure is too risky.

Since your father has also shown a tendency toward depression, talk to his physician, too. If you're encouraged by the doctors to go ahead with the disclosure, make sure your sister knows this isn't your decision alone, and not your burden alone either. She should come to visit at the time you reveal your brother's passing (with limited detail about the car crash itself).

Would it matter if a condom is short?

Concerned in Ireland

Not if it's tight enough to prevent a spill of the semen, if it's the risk of pregnancy you're concerned about. But, if you're very worried, seek some medical information from a hospital clinic.

However, if you're just kidding around and testing the advice columnist with the "joke" that you might be too oversized for a condom, nice try.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person whose sister informed him he has a "secret" half-brother (Sept. 26):

Reader - "As an adopted son, I had to address the "missing family" issue as well.

"While both my parents had said they'd have no problems if I chose to find my "natural" parents, I always had my doubts.

"When my mother passed away, my father and I discussed this again, and I found out my mother had been almost paranoid that the "original" mother would show up and demand her "child" back. My father also confided that, in retrospect, he wouldn't have been comfortable if I'd chosen this route either.

"I'm glad I never pursued this further.

"As the writer's father is in failing health, wouldn't it be wiser to let nature take its course before pursuing the "missing brother" further?

"By acting immediately, the writer risks compromising the current relationship he/she enjoys with her dad."