My husband of 15 years and I have had ups and downs. However, the downs can last six to nine months, with NO communication. He cuts me off.

If I speak to him, he doesn’t respond.

Five years ago, he admitted that the cause of his shutdowns is sexual frustration at not being able to enjoy specific sex acts with me. He says he (rightly) assumed I wouldn’t be comfortable with his requests.

But over the years his needs have grown stronger and he’s more frustrated.

I’ve never been satisfied sexually, but much else is good with us (when he’s speaking to me).

When he said what he wants sexually, it was off-putting. But for the sake of our family, and us, I tried to do as he asked.

He said it’s not enough, as he knows I wasn’t performing happily. So he’s cut off again.

During these periods, he’s cheated (with friends and prostitutes), gone to strip clubs, and treats me as invisible. He said he knows he doesn’t satisfy me, although he’s capable, but can’t do so when he’s stressed.

I am done. Our late-teenage children are now asking questions about his behavior (like his not sleeping upstairs).

He’s an excellent provider, fun to be around (when in a good mood), and I do love him. Please advise.

Angry and Heartbroken

Months of no communication, cheating, excuses for not satisfying you… what’s to love?

He’s created a sexual tug-of-war… he wants something he knows you don’t want, you try, but he says not-good-enough, he doesn’t satisfy you, and blames stress.

It’s a set-up that makes compromise impossible.

I’m sure readers will weigh in with opinions on what he really wants, but it sure is NOT an equal, respectful, healthy relationship. Your kids now sense that.

Fun? Feh! You’ve hung in long enough.

I recently moved into an apartment with a longtime friend who has a dog. I was misled about the dog. He’s 15-months-old and not trained.

My roommate has no time for the dog. She works two jobs, and goes to college. The dog sits in a crate all day, is never taken out, or fed.

When she’s home, and the dog is out, she’s too tired to exercise it. Therefore, he goes nuts - peeing and pooping everywhere! He’s not housebroken. He chews up the furniture (all mine).

If the dog’s out of the crate when I come home, he goes crazy jumping all over me, even trying to bite me!
We’ve had multiple discussions about the dog. I've asked her to spend more time with the dog so she can train him, but she hasn’t.

She’s tried to muzzle the dog, and use all kinds of different things to silence him, since we were also having a problem with his barking constantly.

I now feel the dog needs to go. I cannot live in my own apartment! Also, she’ll take no responsibility for anything that the dog has chewed and blames me!

She’s says I’m making her and her dog feel uncomfortable. Now we have a ruined friendship, and eight months left on a lease!

Chewed Out in Florida

Sub-let. And when you’re gone, consider calling the Humane Society, as this poor dog is being mal-treated.

If you fear a backlash, talk to the apartment superintendent. Your neighbours surely don’t appreciate the barking!

This friendship’s past saving… she’s thoughtless, selfish, and too busy with jobs and school to care.

The only other solution would be to offer to take care of the dog… but you haven’t.

Several years ago, a group of friends turned on me. I since re-established a few of these relationships.

One of my closest friends has a New Year’s party. One girl who’ll also be invited was particularly mean to me.

Should I go? It’ll be a challenge, as I lost self-esteem during those times.

Friends and Others

Go. But prepare yourself for a positive experience, which you’ll control.

Say you have somewhere else to be later, so you can leave when desired. Wear your best look, not to impress, but for your own self-confidence.

Chat with people you trust, be polite to others, and don’t get into conversations about the past.

If anyone raises it, even apologizes, say this is a party; they can contact you if they choose to meet you privately.

Don’t drink to fortify your courage. Don’t stay past a point of comfort. Go home and pat yourself on the back.