I'm 20, he's 21. We'd been together for a year when he got a great two-year contract job 3,000 miles away, starting after graduation.

However, he didn't tell me until he'd accepted it. I was very upset especially as he considered staying longer there to pursue his master's degree. Our relationship had been great, but he said he wanted to break up before he left.

He felt a long-distance relationship would be too difficult with his long hours and the time difference. I wasn't going to let myself fall even more in love with him, so I ended it after Christmas.

He took it badly. Meantime, I started having casual dates and feeling better after having my heart broken. He also dated but said he could only think about me. Now, he's decided that he wants to do the long-distance thing and return after the two years.

However, I'm going on exchange next year and not sure I want to have a boyfriend then. I suggested taking a year's break, staying in touch, visiting occasionally, and deciding later.

I'm crazy about him and can see myself married to him eventually. He says if we don't stay together, he's moving away and moving on.

Conflicted

You both ended up thinking the same way, when it suited self-interest: you each opted to accept great opportunities, and return to the relationship later.

And each of you reacted negatively when the other suggested the same thing! But that's natural, given the transition to new adventures and career paths, in the midst of a loving relationship.

Let each other go for a while, understanding that it's about supporting each other. Stay in touch, but put off any long-term decisions for at least a year.

My husband and I have been married for two years, together ten. His son, 29, was recently diagnosed with leukemia, his father passed away unexpectedly, and his mother has terminal cancer.

His brother's son-in-law was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So there's a lot going on.

I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, when we all get together at his sister's, e.g. though the girls go shopping, I've yet to be invited.

We weren't told when her mother-in-law passed away until two days after. I felt like we didn't matter.

I'm always helpful, always ask about their lives, but it's not returned. They don't know much about me or my two grown daughters and their families who also aren't accepted into his family's life. It hurts.

I've started group therapy dealing with being sexually and verbally abused when young. I'm full of rage dealing with it all and getting clear on boundaries, and how his sister has crossed the line with not-nice remarks to me. I'm sick of my husband making excuses for his family's unacceptable behaviour.

Rejected

Everyone in this family is hurting, vulnerable, dealing with major problems, including you. It's the worst time to pressure your husband, his sister, or anyone else for resolving emotional issues.

Stay with therapy, and be clear on boundaries of discretion and timing. Heavy confrontations now would send the others running, and you'll feel abandoned when they're just trying to avoid more turmoil.

Find peace with your husband for now; you both need it. And find peace from the past through professional help. When things settle in the family, you and he can work toward more inclusion. Or otherwise stop worrying about the others, so long as you're there for each other.

I'm a 68-year-old woman, happily married, but broken-hearted over my longtime friend's behavior. She's 65, single. Whenever I introduce her to any of our friends, she pursues them and takes the friendship for herself.

Then whenever I attempt to plan something, they're meeting for coffee, have other plans, or aren't as available as before. She's done this three times.

I feel left out, hurt, and very angry. Should I mention it to her or say nothing and stop introducing her to other friends?

Overreacting

Say nothing but stop introducing her, she's clearly capable of getting what she wants. Likely, she feels you're okay because you have a partner, and she needs to grab the company she can. Speaking up might only create a "story" she'll repeat, which will embarrass you.

Meanwhile, invite the three friends - and her - to something, so that they all owe you an invitation back.