I’m 20, living at home again with my parents and younger siblings because they’re on welfare and disability and rely on my income and rent. 

I’m having a hard time accepting this. I can’t talk about anything because my dad freaks into a rage. My mom goes along with him.

Several ailments ended his working career; my mom uses her arthritis as an excuse to not work. I dropped out of school, and want to go back but I have a really good-paying job. I’m too stressed now to take on a larger load.

I’m ridiculed everyday by my dad; he yells at me when I take the car out, or when I need to see my horse.

He asks for my money like it’s his, but when I’m short he goes into a rage. This has been going on for five years, after I dropped out.

I’d had several breakdowns so I left home, and was happy on my own. But I get guilt-tripped into staying. They say I’d never make it, I’d have to sell my horse, the family would move into a shack. I do like the security of being here, and don’t want to give up my horse.

How can I leave without causing a rift? And how can I make it on my own?

- Torn Apart

Start taking part-time courses to boost your education; if necessary, work less hours and share less income. 

When your parents complain, say the courses will help you get even better-paying jobs for the long-term… or, if they don’t like it, you’ll move and they’ll lose your rent.

Either way, you’ll gain greater independence and more courage to look toward your own future.

While your horse is your one constant comfort, think of the expense and how it’s holding you back from moving out. At some point you may have to make a choice… but with more education, and better job potential, you’ll later be able to have your own horse again.

An older man started working in my small department; though my boss finds him charming, I’m increasingly insulted and offended by his “jokes” which are actually subtle personal insults. Several of my other co-workers have also noticed that his unfunny jokes are always sly digs at our characters. 

I shouldn’t lower myself to his level – but am I allowing him to walk all over me by being a stereotypical, quiet Asian girl who doesn’t defend herself?

Several times when he’s insulted other co-workers, I’ve “jokingly” told him that he was rude and unlikable. Yet, he continues. I’m the youngest person on the team and don’t want to appear an overly sensitive little kid who can’t handle a bit of teasing.

- Angered

You’re an adult with the sense and gumption to assure you’re not made miserable in the workplace by a harasser – and constant, “joking” insults DO constitute harassment. Keep a record of the dates and content of his offensive comments, and ask your co-workers to do the same. 

First, in the company of one other co-worker (for safety) say directly to this man that his comments are unfunny, insulting, and harassing - the latter is the key word. If he persists, show the recorded events to your boss. If your boss dismisses the records, go to a higher executive/owner, someone in Human Resources, or your union, if you are part of one.

Recommended book on this topic is Sexual Harassment on the Job by William Petrocelli and Barbara Kate Repa (Nolo, 1999).

-I’m 24, living with my daughter and her mother. Our relationship’s good but I’m tired of her messing up financially, so that I’m unable to do more for me and my child. 

I’m ready to move alone, and not deal with this issue. I tried teaching her how to save and spend wisely, but I’m still always sacrificing.

Is leaving a good option for me?

- Spent

It’s NOT a good option for your daughter, to leave her with someone who can’t manage money. Your first responsibility is to try and improve the child’s present situation (not just yours) and the possibilities for her future. 

Escaping doesn’t absolve you from financial obligations to your child. Get your partner professional credit counselling (non-profit); encourage her to have confidence that she can handle finances, as a capable, responsible adult… and that it’ll help her plan and budget for things she wants.

For help across Canada, see www.creditcounsellingcanada.ca.