My ex-wife cheated on me with my friend three years ago. I tried to shield my daughters (now 21 and 16) from it until she sent divorce papers and blamed me with made-up stories.

My daughters decided to live with me and stopped speaking with their mom for two years. They've started seeing her again, and I'm okay with that. However, my ex keeps pushing them towards her new husband (my former friend).

I insist that I don't want them to accept that guy, and how abandoned and deceived I'd feel if they do. They say they don't like him anyway, and that he's done an absolutely immoral thing. However, I feel very insecure as they return with stories how her husband's children visit the couple.

I've envied separated couples who keep amicable relations for their children's sakes, yet I can't get over my emotions and do this for my children. Cheating is as big an issue in this part of the world as it is in my homeland (India) and I'm convinced that it's immoral by all standards.

Still Betrayed

It's always worth the effort for parents to rise above past hurts, in order to benefit their children's emotional health.   The cheating, deception, betrayal are your pain. Being estranged from their mother was your daughters' pain.

They're now mature enough to want to have a relationship with her, no matter what she did. As women, they'll need to accept her flaws, and learn to make better choices because of her mistakes.

You're blocking their ability to do that in an open, healthy way, by imposing "guilt" on their seeing her husband. They already have a strong moral code. Yet, you show fear and distrust of their ability to make good judgments.

They're too old for you to control, without making them question your behaviour as insecure and overbearing. Back off.

I have a wonderful husband and great in-laws, but they can't get over the ex-wife. They invite her for dinner at our home whenever they visit. They do this when I'm there and when I'm not.

My husband's divorce was amicable; they describe themselves as co-parents. I appreciate the desire to work together raising their daughter. But his parents blame him for ruining the relationship and are close friends with her parents. Their mothers work together.

I've spoken to my husband about how this blatant display of how much they want him to be with his ex is hurtful and disrespectful to us both. He's spoken with them but it continues.

Fed Up

If "our home" (your reference) is a shared one with his parents, then their feeling that they can invite whomever they want over, exacerbates the problem.

Your husband is not speaking firmly enough, neither to his parents nor his ex, and not even to you. His ex can be nicely told that he needs her help because it's not a good atmosphere for their daughter to see his parents' approach of disrespecting you, and hanging on to their old relationship. She can visit his parents elsewhere, or see them at her own home or her parents' home, including their daughter if that's what they all want.

He must then tell his parents that their behaviour must stop or they'll create another upset home for their granddaughter.... and he still won't go back to his ex.

He also needs to talk to you as a partner, and recognize that role has equal impact on his life, as his role as a co-parent.

Recently my boss surprisingly bought me a coffee, during a time when prizes are revealed when the rim is rolled up. Once finished drinking, I removed the lid and found it had already been rolled.

Since my boss has limited mobility in her hands, and since the rim was wet, I'm sure she used her mouth.

Her previous assistant told me the very same thing happened to her, and there was actual lipstick on the rim. I didn't say anything to my boss. I'm flabbergasted that anyone would be like that! What kind of person is so selfish?

Disgusted

Given all the people who'd love to win those prizes, I'd guess that lots buy coffees just to improve their chances, though they can't drink them all. The fact she (maybe) uses her mouth is unattractive and unhygienic, but there's a simple solution for maintaining office relations: Say thank you, but don't drink.