I was dating a guy for two-and-a-half months, and I felt we were connected.

However, he told me he wasn’t ready for a serious start. Yet he introduced me to his closest friends, we had dinner with his ex-roommate and roommate's girlfriend, etc.

So I didn't pay attention to "not into serious relationships.”
Recently, I discovered that he and his cousin, who live together, sometimes host “Couch surfers” (people who travel through couch-surfing accommodation), usually girls.

I’m not a jealous person. I found a souvenir at his place, realized that they met girls and I could see that he added them on Facebook.

I told him that I know about those girls. He said it was nothing special.

I said I’m not jealous that he communicates with other girls and that he can tell me next time. He seemed to agree.

Then I found on his Couch surfing profile, some girls’ reference that they hosted them several nights and they went out dancing once. I got offended because he didn’t tell me.

We had a fight by text. He was offended that I don't trust him; he thought I was accusing him of cheating, and he hadn’t.

I believe him, but the problem was that he hid the hosting of girls and going out when he had the chance to tell me.

I went to his place after work, hoping to talk, but he was playing video games, so I went to bed.

In the morning, he again played video games for three hours. I left without saying anything.

One week later, I’ve only had one message saying, yes, he went out and didn't want to say because it might hurt me. No calls, no meetings. No apology.

I didn't expect that he doesn't care about me at all.
Am I overreacting?

Frustrated in France

In this short-lived relationship, with no commitment discussed, saying he didn’t want to hurt you IS his way of apologizing.

So, yes, you are overreacting.

You claimed not to mind his being a Couch surfing host, yet got furious because he didn’t report every detail. He’s not dating these girls, and he’s open on Facebook, so there are no heavy secrets here.

You’ve been demonstrating proof of why he didn’t want to be in a “serious” relationship.

If you want to renew your connection, accept that you overreacted, and tell him so. Then decide what you can handle during what’s still early dating. He cares about you, but if you want more soon, he’s still the wrong guy.

I live out of town for school and last year I visited one of my girlfriends. We went out and I met this really sweet, great guy. We've been talking for a year, and I saw him again in the summer.

I really like him, but my family’s Christian, he’s not, and I’m afraid they won’t approve.

I'm supposed to go into town again soon to see him, but I'm not 100% committed and don't want to cause confusion.

My parents have previously had strong feelings towards my having non-Christian relationships, so I’m scared to start anything.

Wavering

Parents’ strong feelings don’t change overnight, especially not when their children are still under their influence.

You may, in later years, make your own decisions based on knowing someone a lot better than you know this guy, and having confidence that you can handle your parents’ disapproval.

But that’s not the case now. Explain this to the young man as you cancel the plan to meet.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman planning on spending her life with someone who drinks excessively (Nov. 18):

Reader – “Your advice was wise, I've been there, done that, and my advice would be to run!!

“Even if he accepts to get help, there are often many slips and relapses, and her life will slowly but surely be about dealing with his issues.

“His inability to deal with his addictions will push him to shift responsibility to her, which she’ll eventually accept, in an effort to make progress.

“Of course, people who have addictions are deserving of love and support... but I believe they do best with someone else who’s dealing with similar issues.”

Ellie – I respect your experience in this matter but have to say that if one alcoholic is chaotic, two must sometimes be a nightmare. It may be possible that they help and encourage each other, but only after both have committed to change.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman planning on spending her life with someone who drinks excessively (Nov. 18):

Reader – “Your advice was wise, I've been there, done that, and my advice would be to run!!

“Even if he accepts to get help, there are often many slips and relapses, and her life will slowly but surely be about dealing with his issues.

“His inability to deal with his addictions will push him to shift responsibility to her, which she’ll eventually accept, in an effort to make progress.

“Of course, people who have addictions are deserving of love and support... but I believe they do best with someone else who’s dealing with similar issues.”

Ellie – I respect your experience in this matter but have to say that if one alcoholic is chaotic, two must sometimes be a nightmare. It may be possible that they help and encourage each other, but only after both have committed to change.