I’m 23, married one year to my Prince Charming – he’s 31, funny, outgoing, romantic. However, he didn’t make love to me on my wedding night, and only did so three times this whole year.
I’ve tried to be spontaneous, to arouse him - nothing. He says he lacks sleep and consistent workouts. I encourage both, try and dress sexily for him... nothing helps.
He assures me I’m attractive to him. It’s taken a year for him to see a doctor to check for a medical cause; he’s refused counselling.
I love him, but can’t take this for much longer.

- Heartbroken

Follow up on the doctor’s visit, and make sure there’s been discussion of this sexual void. If there’s no medical cause, insist on counselling as a condition of staying together.
It’s possible that the realities of marriage (expenses, responsibilities, time usage) have overwhelmed and depressed him, affecting his libido. Or that he has sexual hang-ups due to past experiences that he’s not explored or shared.
There’s also the possibility he has sexuality issues. Without working on this, his distance and rejection will ultimately destroy your relationship.
Better to address it early.

I’m 18, was Student Council President at my high-school and just finished a rigorous academic program. However, my parents don’t see these as sufficient reasons for me to ever sleep over at another person’s house. I take it personally as a lack of trust from my parents.
The hard work I’ve done as a responsible, mature individual simply vanishes by their belittling display of authority. I have no intentions of partaking in any illicit behaviour – I’m allergic to alcohol and uncomfortable with the idea of premarital sex.
At parties, I’m the one who takes care of my drunk friends - until I have to leave for my early curfew. My father always repeats the same reason: “it’s because I’m not comfortable with it,” and I believe he finds my defiance annoying.
Should I just drop the matter and respect his wishes?

- Distraught

Yes, respect his wishes, and your parents’ deep caring for you. They trust you enough to let you attend parties… though you do have friends who get drunk, which is precisely what worries them. They can see and are delighted at your “hard work” at being responsible and mature; but the person benefiting most from your efforts – and their steady values - is YOU.
Soon enough you’ll be more on your own in university, then out in the working world, facing daily decisions about how to make safe, healthy choices. Look around, and know how lucky you are that you have alert, thoughtful parents who are helping you stay on track.
You think it’s about not trusting you, but it’s really about their not trusting others, or unexpected situations for which you’re not yet prepared.

I’m divorced, father of grown kids, dating a wonderful woman with a daughter, 13. She’s a good kid, but her mother’s constantly asking me to oversee homework, drive her places, cook when her mom’s working late, etc.
I’ve already lived this child-rearing life, and want to be freer to relax, golf, travel, etc. How do I tell my girlfriend this?

- No Step-Dad

Do this woman a favour, and tell her she’s got the wrong guy. She’s a devoted working mom; and you’re a guy looking for a particular lifestyle, not family life.
Meanwhile, her daughter will soon feel your disinterest, creating problems for their mother-daughter relationship.

I’m 31, work overseas, and mostly spend time with my colleagues; it’s not easy to meet other people here.
I’ve had a three-year crush on a co-worker. He’s in a relationship, yet I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m going back home for a while this summer and will try attending single events. I’ve only had half a dozen dates in my life.
What should I do to get over this co-worker?

- Single in Singapore

Late bloomers sometimes need to gather confidence to show openness to the opposite sex. A “fantasy crush” on a guy who’s clearly unavailable, is like practicing in your mind for the real thing. But enough rehearsing.
Alert friends and contacts back home that you’d appreciate set-ups and invitations to group events, when there.
Later, back in Singapore, keep up the networking, and seek opportunities for other ways to meet people, such as language classes, interest groups, sports activities.