I’ve had a loving and passionate six-month relationship with a wonderful woman; however, she’s never learned proper table manners. 

I’m 60, she’s 50.

We share many interests including fitness, diet, sports and a love of history… and we’ve had the best sex that either of us has known.

But her table habits are noticeable and rude.

I thought long and hard about how to broach the subject, and eventually she figured out that something was bothering me. When I told her, delicately I thought, she went ballistic and ended the relationship.

She said, “That's the way I am and you should accept me unconditionally.”

I don’t know what to do. Bad manners at the table are immediately obvious to most people, but those same people rarely mention it.

Where did I go wrong?

- Confused in Vancouver

You embarrassed her. 

I understand it was a tough call – gross table manners can be hard to take, but the message she heard was that, all that time, you felt embarrassed by her. She may even feel you thought yourself “better” than her, based on your upbringing or other factors.

Apologize. Even if you don’t expect to resume the relationship, send a note saying how sorry you are to have hurt her feelings, and that you did accept her unconditionally as a person.

But, just as you both learned new approaches and grew in your understanding of other ways to improve your life, you’d hoped she’d appreciate learning more attractive table manners, for her own sake.

If she responds positively, buy her a book on the topic, and don’t “teach” her unless she asks questions.

I’m a single mom, 47, who’s developed deep feelings for my cousin (four times removed). We’ve maintained a phone relationship for seven years; he lives in another city and has been married for 23 years.  

Initially, he was helping me deal with divorce issues (he’s a lawyer) but our calls became more personal and more frequent. He always calls from his office, even in the evenings to share a glass of wine over the phone.

I think we would be so good for each other. He could provide me with the stability and companionship I need, and I could provide him with the kids he never had and lively, loving affection.

I want to say something, but fear I may be misinterpreting his motives and could ruin our close friendship.

- Afraid to Speak

Read my lips, then keep your own closed: He’s married. It’s not a good idea for you to suggest he leave his wife for all that you offer, when you have no idea if that’s what he wants. 

Your own desire for stability is misguided if you seek it through breaking up another person’s marriage. Divorce is de-stabilizing, as you know, and he may not wish to chance it.

He’s happy so far with phone intimacy plus a good merlot, or he’s building towards visiting for a fling. But until you hear more, you’re foolish to think he’s hoping for the inevitable turmoil of a separation, a move, and a new relationship with someone else and their kids.

Don’t read so much into those phone calls… they’re still a distant way of connecting as friends.

My fiancé and his family are pressuring me to have his sister be maid of honour at our wedding. But I want my best friend.

- Upset

It’s Bride’s Choice, but handle with discretion. Give Sis a special role – e.g. toasting the Groom.

I’m a successful businesswoman, early 30’s, married to a handsome, successful man, have a big house, big car, etc. yet I’m having an affair with a male co-worker, 10 years my senior. 

He’s “seeing” another married woman 10 years older than him, and says he cannot commit to me alone unless I divorce my husband, who adores me.

I hate being “jilted” by my lover yet now cannot stand to be with my husband and think we have nothing in common.

I’m already seeing a therapist.

- WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

You want instant answers, just like you want instant – and constant – gratification. However, you need a lot more therapy to get at the root of your insecurity. 

My advice is to stop thinking that “having it all” means you’re entitled to everyone and everything.

This guy uses married women – he’s playing you AND the other woman. End it.