I’m female, 30, still living with my parents. I’m of average intelligence but not capable of living on my own.

I was never shown how to function as an adult. No parent taught me how to drive or how to handle my finances.

My father was very verbally abusive; my mother’s very emotionally disconnected. My older siblings always treated me like an outsider due to my being much younger and adopted.

I have few friends due to my inability to trust others.

My boyfriend’s in the same situation, so no help there either.

Now my parents have serious financial difficulties; their home will be foreclosed soon. My mother’s clear that I’m not invited to move with them.

Meanwhile, I lost my job of eight years and haven’t found employment since. 

My boyfriend of 11 years has decided we should try to move in together. However, our relationship is on its last legs as I feel he’ll never commit.

He often promises things when he has no intentions of following through. I feel I can't fully trust him as a way out.

If I had a job I’d have a chance. But, what hope do I have now?

I’ve looked into assistance programs for housing but because I’m not disabled or a mother they can't help me.

I feel like a failure.

Scared of Being on my Own

You’re not a failure; you have intelligence, and have held a job for years.

Your boyfriend may not seem one to commit, but he’s at least offered you a place to go for the interim.

Meanwhile, agencies in your locale, such as the YWCA, can help with research on how to get unemployment insurance if applicable, seeking low-rent accommodation, job searches in the area in which you have work experience, and help with organizing finances.

You will adapt, if you don’t let fear take over.

Keep handy the phone number of a local distress centre and call if you feel very depressed. Experienced helpline staff will guide you to appropriate help.

My parents, late-50s, have no savings plan, my father’s career is struggling, and my mother’s part-time job isn’t bringing in significant income.

Neither have made efforts towards new employment, though they need new jobs to survive.

My siblings and I are all working adults (20s and 30s) who are very concerned, but unsure how to proceed. We’ve advised our parents to seek new employment/careers for the last two years. But pride and stubbornness have delayed them.

We speak with them, usually together, on monthly visits or special occasions.

They were very good to us growing up; we lived a comfortable middle-class life. Their employment troubles started five years ago. We all want to help, but aren’t sure how and if it’s our place.

There’s a collective sense of guilt feelings that we've neglected their problems to focus on our own lives.

Concerned Adult Children

It’s never too late to offer need to your parents. Call a family meeting.

Tell them that you all love and honour them, and can’t stand by while they struggle. Divide the tasks: they need new jobs, so what’s required… e.g. a course on upgrading skills, a barrage of applications sent out?

Then look at interim financing – re-mortgage their home, a bank loan, a private loan of sustaining funds gathered from all of you?

Do creative brainstorming about different fields for seeking work, based on their other skills, hobbies, and interests.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grandmother who fears for her granddaughter who’s a tall pre-teen, overweight to the point of obese, and whose parents provide poor nutrition  (March 6):

Reader – “I was that child, and am a mom of a child who is bigger than other kids his age.

“I can tell you it was hurtful growing up and feeling ashamed of how I looked, because everyone would dump on me because of my weight.

“I urge the grandmother to NOT intervene forcefully. Keep healthy snacks around (fruits, veggies) and when you make meals, don’t make excessive amounts for "more please."

“Talk about activity and healthy choices as a positive thing and stop making food the issue.

“What’s working for my family is involving the children in food preparation and meal planning. They then become part of the solution and learn about nutrition first-hand.”

Ellie – Thanks for sharing. Personal stories provide meaningful information and ideas.