I'm getting married in June; everything was going great until my best man hooked up with one of my fiancée’s bridesmaids.

However, he was allegedly in a relationship with another woman.

At the time, he told the bridesmaid and me that he was no longer seeing that woman, but several days after their encounter, it came out in Facebook that he was still with her.

Now he wants to bring her to our wedding, but my fiancée doesn't want her at our wedding.

She fears it could cause an issue even though the bridesmaid has said she's over him.

I feel weird about telling my best man that he can't bring his girlfriend to the wedding.

Should I be sticking with my fiancée, or should he be allowed to bring her?

Groom in the Middle

In a world where social media reveals all, this “issue” belongs to the bridesmaid and the player – oops, your best man.

He fooled around, so if there are consequences they fall on him, and you’re not the decision-maker here. The bridesmaid is.

She’s the one who could feel used and humiliated… but she says she doesn’t.

So your fiancée can be told, gently, that though it’s her wedding, she doesn’t have to manage all the guests’ feelings and interactions.

You chose him as your best man for reasons existing before this situation. He has a girlfriend, so he gets to bring her.

(Caveat to consider: If your bride-to-be insists against this, she already didn’t like/respect him much and you may have to let her rule on her big day).

 

I'm in my mid-20s and have never been involved sexually, or in a relationship, with a woman.

My current three-year relationship is with a man. Recently though, I've had a self-motivated desire to start a family with a woman because it's more "natural."

I’m out of the closet with all close friends and family, and all are loving and accepting, so that isn't a factor.

I’ve always found women attractive, but how do I proceed out of my current homosexual relationship into a heterosexual one?

This isn’t religiously motivated, nor influenced by any outside sources, other than my own desire to have a wife and kids "like everybody else."

How to Switch Sides

You’re considering a much bigger change than you describe or even imagine, and for the wrong reasons.

The desire to have a family is healthy and normal. And is already possible if you live in a jurisdiction where gay male couples can legally have a child with a genetic connection to one partner, through a surrogate mother.

But your desire to suddenly have a relationship with a woman, to be “like everybody else,” is self-delusional.

You need to be true to yourself, to have a lasting union and raise children in a positive, authentic environment.

Finding a woman to marry solely for the purpose of “family” life may work in the short-term, but inevitably you’ll be drawn to men, and you’ll be living a lie.

Even if you’re open and honest with a woman about your motivation for a relationship, it’s an arrangement that can disintegrate as the basic differences in your sexual/emotional and lifestyle cultures take hold.

See a therapist and probe your own feelings, as a gay man, about what’s “natural.”

You’re fortunate to have loving, accepting family and friends. You need not feel you have to deny your basic self-identity in order to fulfill your desire to be a parent.

I just entered into a relationship – he’s 54, and I’m 49.

It started off great, but then he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he has so many other things on the go (work, family, etc.)

But he didn’t want to end things and said that he doesn’t want us to see other people.

He still texts me everyday but it’s leaving me baffled and confused.

He’s hot and cold. Should I move on or try to be patient?

Mixed Message

Here’s the translation: He’s turning you into a friend with benefits.

And he may also still be married, and/or in other “not relationships” too.

He’s discovered that he can whistle and blow at the same time – i.e. have you nicely secured for sex and comfort when he wants it from you, but have no responsibility for when, where, or whatever.

There’s no future and an uncertain present. Move on.