I’m 20, in university, raised with two stepbrothers, now 26 and 30. I’m still considered “baby sister.” We’ve always been close, especially me and my middle brother.

He and his girlfriend were on/off many times. She wants a baby, he never did. He's told me he’s only with her out of "convenience." They fight A LOT!

She’s very neurotic, with high anxieties. She recently announced she’s pregnant.

I don't like kids. She acts like I’m some sort of criminal because I wasn’t goo-goo-eyed over "the baby!”

She now refuses to let me speak to my brother alone, and watches our every move when together. All she and anyone talk about is “baby.”

I try to focus on my own stuff, but I’m still very close to, and financially dependent on, my parents. They keep saying I should be supportive and love the baby.

She's only three months along! My brother can’t leave her side, as it might “psychologically damage” the baby. I’m considered heartless, selfish, and immature.

I’m not allowed to touch certain things because they won’t be sterile for the baby.

I feel betrayed because he’s now acting like this is all okay, and like I'm some sort of bad person.

He never visits me anymore. Why is it a crime that I’m honest about not caring for babies?

Freaking Out

I’m hearing “baby sister’s” own high anxiety about this “baby” getting all the attention.

It’s understandably hard for you to relate to your own next phase five-to-ten years ahead, when you, too, may be “coupled” with starting a family as an option.

So, insisting that you don’t like kids now does sound foolish to others – like insisting you’ll NEVER marry – when you have no clue what’s ahead.

Meanwhile, you’re the one betraying your brother who may’ve actually found himself happy at becoming a dad, or else is appropriately taking responsibility for creating the pregnancy.

You’ve been honest. Now back off. You’re still very important to your family since they all want you onside.

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband who wanted a cleaner house (August 30):

Reader – “I'm a full-time mom, my husband’s an engineer, responsible for our financial needs. I love him. We have four grown-up kids, and two babies.

“I’m taking care of the babies plus academic coach for the older kids.

“The older kids help us with chores on weekends. I prepare my husband's lunch at night; he leaves for work when I’m still sleeping with the babies.

“While I’m alone with the babies, I clean the house, do dishes, cooking, laundry. When the babies need more time with me, I’m fine! I can clean and tidy during their nap, and before my older kids and husband come home.

“He cooks every weekend and shops groceries, alone or together.

“I’m a chemical engineer, but we both agreed that I’m best at taking care of the kids and house, and as financial manager.

“We used to have helpers and nannies but aren’t financially able now.

“We never complain about who does more or less.

“Your writer was complaining, but still wanting his wife as partner and homemaker.

“They should communicate more and decide what's best for them. But what they need most is: Commitment and teamwork.”

Ellie – You make commitment and co-operation sound easy… and it is when both are realistic, and compromise regarding each other’s needs, abilities, and tolerance.

Perhaps having already raised four children, gives you the wiser perspective on now caring for two babies.

I feel insecure in my 18-month relationship. We're mid-late 20's. I said, “I love you” first, and he took a long time to reciprocate.

He travels often for work, and also sometimes works early mornings and late nights.

The office receptionist is very beautiful. He has many female friends and can sometimes be vague about them.

He's not always good at keeping in touch when he travels.

Sometimes I think it's me being too needy or lacking self esteem but don’t know how to improve this.

Insecure

You’ve defined the problem… your own lack of confidence despite the reality that the relationship’s lasted and he’s declared his love.

So accept what IS, instead of worrying about what could happen. OR, get counselling for neediness that could push him away.

Focusing on the receptionist or his female friends as your big worry keeps demeaning you in your own eyes, which is self-defeating.