A woman I’ve known for one year had a husband who was mean, nasty and abusive to her and her children, 5 and 9. We met at school where we were furthering our education, and became attached. I live alone.
She said she loved me, we slept together often, went to church every Sunday and I entertained her children as a big brother. Her husband normally goes out of town to work.
We made plans to live together, I gave her my appliances, helped her move.
When I went to visit my doctor, I told her I’d be staying with my brother for the weekend. I returned to find my belongs in my old apartment.
When I saw her, she had multiple bruises on her thighs and back. She said she
doesn’t want a relationship anymore, we can only be friends, and her bruises were from falling down the stairs.
I love her and still carry food and gifts for her and the children. Her husband is stalking her.
She’s now gained a bad attitude towards me and allows the children to be rude to me.

- WHAT TO DO?

Back off and let her and the children settle into living on their own. She’s clearly afraid for the safety of them all.
If her husband continues to stalk, threaten or harm her, encourage her to involve the police and the courts, and get a restraining order against him. Be the friend she needs for now, and put your own emotions on hold, her situation is too complicated for her to handle your needs too.
If, in six months’ time, she’s still uninterested in a relationship, recognize that you served as the Transitional Man who helped her escape a bad marriage; and move on.

I’m 23; after growing up with strong family ties (and a big family to fall back on) my parents and I emigrated. I moved around on my own, doing internships for school. Meanwhile, my parents divorced.
I fell in love with a guy while I was away. When I returned home, he never even visited, never said he wanted to be with me yet never ended things either.
I’ve graduated from university, but I’ve changed from being the happiest person to very pessimistic about everybody, especially men. I’m also influenced by being around my mother who’s in her own personal crisis.
I plan to never love so strongly again. I’ve never felt so alone when I most needed my parents or the person that I loved. I just don’t think men are capable of love; they’re only here to spread their “seed.” Is that being jaded or is it part of the process of growing up?

- Unhappy

You’re jaded, bitter, and hurting… all natural, for a brief period.
But to generalize about all men and all relationships from one experience is self-defeating. Reality check: 1) Your mother’s attitude is related to private events in her marriage, much of which you do NOT know about.
2) You’ve had one guy disappoint you, and don’t know why – perhaps there was never any discussion about a future together; perhaps you were too inexperienced to recognize the signals of a casual fling.
Building a wall of negativism against all men will only prove a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, develop better judgment and selectivity by taking time to know potential dates better before raising your expectations. Then, learn the skills of communication in which you make it clear what you want, and hear the other side clearly.

I love entertaining and usually take my friends on tours when they visit; but, if I’m going out, I leave them in the living room while I change.
I have many books throughout my apartment (decoratively), and don’t mind my guests going through them. Yet I often later find my guests wandering into my office, my bedroom, and even my kitchen.
I’m a very private person and keep confidential items “away” from common sight.
When is it unacceptable for these guests to go where they’re NOT invited; or to go through my belongings?

- Security-Minded

When you send out mixed messages, don’t be surprised at mixed interpretations.
You give “showplace tours,” then question people’s curiosity. In future, be specific: “I’m going to change; please wait here until I’m back; I prefer to show you around myself.”
For those guests who don’t get it and wander around, no second chance. Meet them outside.