I'm 47, involved with a wonderful woman with three young daughters (whom I've yet to meet). She's in the midst of an ugly custody battle and divorce from a 17-year marriage involving psychological abuse.

We began dating last January. She's trying to move forward by going back to school, fighting hard for custody, and managing a home. She has loving, supportive parents of whom I've become fond.

We expressed our mutual love last July. Suddenly, she said we should stop seeing each other, as she needs to focus entirely on her girls, her education, and her custody/support matters.

She said that her social life is the first to be sacrificed, end of story. Should I wait around until this is resolved, with no guarantee she'll resume our relationship? Or move on? I don't want to lose her.

Lost and Confused

Stand behind her - supporting her wise and realistic decision, but making it clear you're close by if needed. It's not a weak "waiting" stance, but rather an understanding of her many pressures and responsibilities at this crucial time of keeping her daughters secure, and boosting her battered self-esteem.

You should've realized when dating a woman in such a critical transition, that there'd be low periods emotionally, legally, and financially, etc. I assure you that if she weren't honing in on the essentials now, she would later, perhaps when it would be even harder for you to bear.

Tell her you empathize with her feelings and respect her decision. Say you won't interfere with her goals, but you're there if she needs you. Keep some contact with her parents - no interrogations, please - and send her the odd card or message of support.

If things haven't changed at all in six months, ask if you can meet, just once, to see if there's a chance to re-connect.

My younger sister, late-20's, is employed but moved back with my parents a year ago.

She met her boyfriend several months ago and now spends half the week at his house. The other half, they both stay at my parents house. Every week they bring their laundry to be done at my parents' house.

My mom spoils them - cooks gourmet meals, or takes them out. The two don't lift a finger, or contribute or even say, thanks!

My father expressed concern to me about the financial burden. My mother gets really mad at this and they fight. I don't live at home and know it isn't my business.

I'm upset because my mother would never allow me to live at home rent-free, never mind feeding and housing my paramour. When I asked why the difference, she bluntly responded that I lived there while I attended university for free. I don't see that it's comparable.

I'm disgusted with my sister for shamelessly taking advantage of my parents. Should I just keep my mouth shut and watch my father suffer or should I tell my mom what I think and risk facing her wrath?

Independent Daughter

Jealousy taints your perspective, no matter if some points are valid. So look at where you have a role here, and where you don't.

1) Your father can speak for himself, and he can also speak to your sister.

2) Your sister's a taker, probably always has been. And your mom's likely delighted to have their company, for some reason perhaps related to other aspects of her relationship (again, not your business).

3) Back off. This situation won't last forever.

Our son called from Europe where he's living and working, distraught, saying his wife's possibly having an affair. He'd seen her quickly deleting text messages after reading them. She disappears into another room when she gets a phone call. And she's started having "late work nights" since a new guy joined the company.

We were devastated (they have a young child). Then, he called to say everything's fine, she explained things ("secret new company strategies"), and we don't have to worry. Your thoughts?

Still Worried

Stay connected but don't press him on the topic of what's going on, how his wife's behaving, etc. He must handle this without you, and will let you know when he needs you.

Right now he needs to know he can talk to you without your creating more trouble by intruding or overreacting.

He believes her, everything may be fine. If not, you'll know soon enough.