I recently stopped seeing a guy on my baseball team. I discovered he hasn’t been honest with me about his actions, lack of career, initiative, or responsibility for the “failure” that he’s currently living.

But he also told me something that I’m unsure how to handle: He’s been having compulsive thoughts about pushing strangers in front of the subway train.

I’ve never heard something like this before, especially a straight and casual confession.

Should I report this to the authorities, or just sever ties with him? Do I tell his roommates (also on the team) for their safety, or will that ruin his life, if these thoughts are considered “common” as his therapist has suggested?

He’s not particularly strong or threatening, but I can’t imagine it’d take much effort to do what he’s thinking.

My Responsibility?

Let me be clear: When someone confides a repeated “compulsive” thought about doing something that’d endanger himself or others, you must break confidence because you have a moral responsibility to report this.

The crucial question is, “where and to whom?”

Since he has a therapist, start there, by attempting to call him/her, saying you’re concerned, because his confiding it to you has you worried for the safety of people around him.

NOTE: The therapist is obliged to NOT talk to you about him, but CAN listen. If he/she disagrees and refuses to listen, report this elsewhere.

If you know a family member who’ll take responsibility, you could contact that person. Or, if you and he attend school, you can report to Student Services, asking that a counsellor reach out to him.

Meanwhile, do NOT just sever ties with him. You can take distance over time, but first, keep encouraging him to recognize that his ongoing impulse can become dangerous to himself as well as others.

Suggest that he press his therapist to take these thoughts more seriously, and/or see his family doctor for referral for mental health assessment. Tell him there’s no shame in preventing himself from something far worse.

After high school graduation I bounced between jobs, unsure what to do with my life.

My mother changes her mind about it, my grandmother wants to me to go to art school, and my father wants me to have kids (I'm 22 and don't want kids yet).

I’ve been in a four-year relationship with my boyfriend who wants me to get an apartment with him.

Living in our city is very costly and jobs here don't pay too well. Last year, I was able to travel to Australia and loved being on the road, but my boyfriend doesn’t share these feelings.

He’s determined to rent a place with or without me. I want to travel through Europe for a couple of months.

I feel stuck with other peoples’ choices.

Wondering in Whitehorse

You’ve been “attached” since 18, and have only a high-school education. Settle now for others’ plans/dreams and you’ll eventually wake up angry at them and disappointed in yourself.

If you have the means to travel safely, do so. It’ll open your eyes to the vast possibilities in the world and also help you appreciate your own good fortune so far.

Hopefully – if you don’t hang out with people going nowhere – you’ll have a greater sense of what you want to learn, and how you want to contribute something in these adult years you’re facing.

You need a sense of purpose - often attained through more further education in something that interests you.

I'm a teenager whose friend suffers psychological problems. She’s strong-headed, loves soccer, life, and especially food.

She has panic attacks and then tells me about it. She takes a lot of medication.

Recently, she confided she’d lost interest in eating.

Our lunch group tried to help her but she partly doesn't care about what we're saying.

Today, she said she’s anorexic and has bulimia. She told me that her regular medication only works with food… so it’s a worse problem.

How To Help?

Since she’s on medication, someone professional is treating her. She’s confiding because she wants friends and support, which is a good sign.

You’re not skilled or in a position to resolve what’s bothering her internally, but your friendship and caring is very important. You’re already helping.

When she reports anything new, like anorexia and bulimia, make sure she’s talking to her parents, her therapist, and/or doctor about this, because they CAN help her.