My boyfriend of two years and I have two kids. When I was pregnant with our first, he had a close female friend. She became my friend too.

We became best friends after my second child’s birth. My boyfriend and I always hang with her and her boyfriend.

Yesterday, my mother-in-law told me that my friend and boyfriend had a one-night stand during the time when she and I weren’t really friends.

They both admitted to it and say it meant nothing, as they were both drunk.

What should I do?

Old News in Iowa

Have one more talk with them about it, then drop it.

Say that you understand it was in the past, but it still does mean “something” to you, which is, they can never do anything to make you suspicious about them in future.

It would end both the close girlfriend and close couples’ friendships. Her guy and you would be devastated, and your two kids would suffer the turmoil from it.

If they understand those consequences from any further hanky-panky – drunk or sober – then say you should all now forgive, and forget.

I’m a woman, 60, dating a same-age man for four years. He treats me really well, is kind, fun to be with, and I hear from him daily.

Before meeting me, he dated another woman for ten years - their first two years as lovers, then as good friends/companions.

She passed away before we met online seven months later. Emotionally, he’s not there for me. I’ve come to love him and he knows this. He has a problem with the word “love,” saying it’s overused. He says he feels guilty that he’s dating me.

We’re youthful and have a lot of fun together, both in the bedroom and out. He says he doesn’t think about her and cares deeply for me.

How can I believe what he says if he has a difficult time saying he loves me? I’m considering taking a break from him; however, I don’t want to lose him.

Distanced

He doesn’t love you, but he cares for you.

That’s his clear, honest message; it’s why he can’t say the “L” word and be false.

You’re inventing distrust, about not believing anything he says. It’s a way of protecting yourself from deeper hurt if you decide to pull away and he doesn’t stop you.

Either you accept his attitude, along with the fun, good sex, and companionship, or you want/need more and have to move on.

My daughter, mid-teens, lives half the time with me, half with her father and stepmother.

There was much discord between this woman and my daughter, initially. Over time, she’s found my daughter more “manageable.”

She's found a weekend job for my daughter with a firm where she knows the boss, and is now buying clothes to make my daughter more “presentable” in the image this woman chooses.

My daughter’s a down-to-earth, casual person, like me. We’d always enjoyed shopping together.

I feel pushed out purposefully by her stepmother taking on what’s always been my role and our fun outing together.
How do I handle this?

Pushed Away

Enjoy time with your daughter in whatever ways you can. There are many outings you can share beyond shopping… seeing a play or sports event together as a special weekend treat, going hiking and enjoying Nature, movies, etc.

Don’t discuss the clothing unless your daughter raises it. Otherwise, it’s just another divisive issue between you and this step-mom, of which she’s undoubtedly already aware.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman with the ex-husband who’s a transvestite (Sept. 16):
Reader – “I commend your response. I'm an adult male with gender issues. I find most people's reactions to gender variant identities, to be bigoted and ignorant.

“People who wouldn't dream of being racist or homophobic have no problem mocking and shaming trans people of any variety.
“The husband should’ve told his kids upfront.

“He's probably isolating from them because they aren't aware of that side of him.

“Speaking from experience, it gets exhausting to only present one side of yourself to people you’re close to. It can become easier to isolate, rather than take the risk of being open.

“Hopefully he tells his kids and they don't think he's weird, just unusual. I personally don't feel weird having gender issues - it feels normal to me.

“However, I feel anger and frustration from constantly hearing comments implying that people like me are somehow inferior.”