I'm involved with a wonderful woman who has two great kids under age seven. We discuss everything; we both want to go forward. However, with the kids so young she's uncomfortable being intimate when they're home and not with their father.

Am I selfish? How do I approach this and not look like a jerk? What amount of intimacy should be placed on a relationship? We do kiss in front of the children and hug.

She says she loves me, it'll come, etc. She's recently moved and her ex is marrying the other woman. Could this be having an effect on intimacy and when she's stressed she wants to be left alone?

Frustrated

You're full of questions to me and not enough to your girlfriend. If she's too stressed for sex, she needs to say so. If her ex's impending marriage has her rattled and causing her to hold back, it's an important emotional phase she needs to share with you.

If more than the kids' presence limits your intimacy, delay planning ahead while you probe the other reasons. A lasting commitment that includes and affects two young children requires not only statements of love, but also enough chemistry to bind the relationship.

It's understandable that she wants to be discreet around her youngsters. BUT, to accept you as their stepfather, they'll eventually need to see their mommy accept you as her full partner, which normally includes sharing a bed. The timing for this part of "going forward" should be high on the discussion list.

A close friend of mine suffers from depression. Being her friend is becoming increasingly difficult. She often lashes out, becomes defensive and is verbally abusive towards me when she feels rejected or dismissed.

I've been distancing myself from her, as I don't enjoy walking on eggshells when around her. When she's happy, she's an amazing friend. When she's angry, watch out! I want to know how I can help her and remain her friend without being her punching bag.

Fed Up

An "amazing friend" is hard to give up; a depressed friend periodically needs support; and yes, a difficult friend is unpleasant, even frightening. However, if she's increasingly difficult, she needs whatever help a close friend can offer.

With a diagnosed depression, she must've seen a doctor. Offer to accompany her once, to show you're on side with what she's going through. Though you can't be responsible for her care, you can show interest.

It gives you more awareness when her mood is starting to change, perhaps enough to suggest - before she gets defensive - that she see the doctor, get back on medication, change a particular situation, etc.

However, when she sometimes becomes angry or abusive, you can then distance yourself without any guilt. Say firmly, "I'm sorry you don't feel well, but I don't intend to accept this treatment, so I'll hope to hear from you when you're feeling better." If contact becomes unbearable, you'll at least know you tried.

My carpool partner recently confided that his wife and he can only control their child, age eight, by yelling at him until he complies - even over getting dressed for school. Do I tell him their approach is harmful, or mind my own business?

Uncertain

You have an excellent opportunity to chat frequently about child rearing - casually and without being judgmental. Start with bringing along a book you think is worthwhile - I recommend the revised Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary S. Kurcinka.

I cannot keep any relationships very long. Will I never date again, or marry? Will I get back my two children? I'm in school trying to see what I can do to become a good mother someday.

I'm living alone, bored, depressed. I'm currently talking with someone but unsure if we're actually dating. He comes to see me to get what he wants from me, and then leaves soon after.

I raised marriage to him but nothing came of it. I'm hoping that when I finish school I can get a good job and support my kids.

Sad and Alone

Your schooling is the positive force that can change your life, if you stick with it. The guy is a negative force. Drop him, to start feeling self-respect. See your doctor and a school counselor about your depression and isolation. You need local help to find some community supports.