I met this younger guy who swept me off my feet. He's 34, I'm 38.
I thought I’d just have some fun since he was so attractive. But it became an intense six days of messaging, talking, meeting and being intimate together.
Suddenly, on the sixth day, he video-chatted me, texted me, then he blocked me.
Who does that? He seemed so genuine and kind.
How can men (and I guess there are women like this, too) be so emotionless? Are they that selfish to use people then toss us aside like trash?
I know I shouldn't think about this kid, but if I were not interested anymore, I’d like him to know.
I’ll probably never know his real reason (maybe he’s in a relationship, he just wanted to play me, etc.) but it's so disheartening that people can use and play with a person's emotions without concern.
All those lies and deceit for his self-gratification…
Swept Up, Tossed Aside
He’s no “kid” at 34, but he’s not a decent man either.
Even if he’s in a relationship, was besotted with you, then couldn’t continue cheating on his partner, he just ran for cover with no explanation.
Even if, as you also suggested, he just wanted to “play"… he wouldn’t be the only person who thought that way, as you initially did, too.
But he came on strong, with constant contact, meetings and intimacy for six days. No hint of just passing through, until he was unreachable.
I’ve said before and repeat here, that it’s true that some women have also been known to play this nasty game of “here now, gone right after.”
Is it a power play, whatever the gender of the player? Sometimes. Is it a coward’s exit? Yes.
The only good that can come from this kind of encounter is to recognize it a mile off the next time someone tries to sweep you off your feet from Day One.
It’s okay to be flattered, a little. It’s okay to give the new person a second look. But wait a few weeks before you accept everything he says, or meet him every time he asks.
Above all, don’t confuse having sex with trusting a guy before you know anything much about him.
Readers’ Commentary Regarding the woman who whose husband is “eating us out of house and home!” (June 24):
“An eating disorder is far more likely. Some will say that's impossible for an adult male, but I'm in my 60s and have struggled since teenage, before the term “eating disorder” was used.
“I learned it after my stepdaughter was admitted to hospital, near death. It started in high school when she wanted to take better care of herself, get more exercise and eat better. Her mother and I were happy about that.
“But her student exchange to South America didn’t go well. Teenage girls discussed what plastic surgery they’d get. (The message: You have to fix your “flaws.”)
“When she returned home, she was noticeably thinner, had stomach pains and difficulty eating.
“Things worsened. Finally, “eating disorder” was mentioned.
“We were able to get her into an in-patient program, and after two years, she emerged healthy.
“This man is likely (Ellie: possibly) suffering from emotional trauma. It's a mental health issue that shows as binge eating. He needs professional help.”
Ellie - When there’s extremely unusual behaviour around food, it’s worth exploring through appropriate physical and mental health check-ups.
FEEDBACK Regarding your treatment of women regarding extra-marital affairs (June 25):
Reader – “You quoted a letter-writer’s view of her husband’s lover as "selfish" and "loose."
“You wrote, "Some women set their sights on a married man" and some women become "predatory."
“I believe most women get involved with married men because they’re lonely and needing companionship.
“The men generally say they’re no longer in love with their wives.
“Perhaps the women choose to believe them. Eventually, they want a deeper commitment. It's a natural human instinct.
“The blame lies with the husband, the cheater, who’s responsible for upholding his commitment.
“Why is it that the woman is always the one to be shamed?”
Ellie - The letter-writer “speaks” first, and her attitude helps tell the story. She sees the “other woman” as selfish and loose. Not me.
I also commented on male cheaters who lie about it. Some male readers wrongly believe I always blame the men.
Tip of the day:
Been dropped and blocked? Don’t confuse having sex with trusting someone before you know anything much about him/her.