I've spoken to a guy four times on Facebook, and he asked if I wanted a “relationship” with him.
I said I’d be glad to do a casual long-distance relationship, but now he's saying he loves me, he'll never hurt me, and a whole bunch of other things I guess some women want to hear.
I'm Canadian and he’s from another country (not America).
I thought I'd better seek advice when he wanted to know my relationship “rules,” as that really threw me for a loop.
I've had relationships before - one was serious - but I don't know how to deal with this.
Different or Weird?
There are common clues in his manner and words that he’s an Internet dating scammer of one sort or another.
The clues: 1) saying he “won’t hurt you” is a way to block suspicions; 2) stating he loves you after four exchanges shows a rush to something more intense, so he can soon ask for cash or other help; 3) the odd request for relationship “rules” is another approach to securing your complete trust though you’ve never met and know the most limited amount about each other.
As for his coming from a foreign country, the experienced scammers do seem to come from certain specific countries (you can research this through Google), but really can be from anywhere. Often, more clues include stilted language, and the use of “Honey” and “Babe” rather than your name, as they’re trying to hook several women at once, to secure what they’re after, which usually is money for the fare to visit you, or for some emergency at home.
The way to deal with it is to end contact. You don’t really know him or love him, and owe him nothing.
My niece married a very educated guy with a lot of ambition. He had a good job, but was restless to make it on his own, and started a business. It grew so fast and was so successful, that he couldn’t handle it and had a nervous breakdown.
By this time, the couple had three kids, a bigger house, fancy car, and debt they could no longer manage on their own.
She’s my late sister’s only daughter; I have no other siblings or close relatives. My husband and I paid off their mortgage, and help financially with their ongoing expenses.
Fortunately, we could afford it, but we’re now retired, getting older, and should be conserving funds for our own future needs, especially if we need care giving later on.
Meanwhile, her husband isn’t working. He volunteers in the community, and is very active with the kids’ sports teams, coaching, etc. Our niece does some part-time work from home, but doesn’t have qualifications for a better job as she left university to marry him.
How do we cut the cord on this financial relationship? We are very attached to their children.
In a Bind
Talk to a financial advisor about the state of your funds for your own future and potential needs.
Find out if you can afford an amount to set aside for the children’s education needs and present activities that the parents can’t afford. If the amount is limited, choose the education money as the priority, as both parents are apparently giving them the home security and encouragement children need most.
Explain to the couple that you can’t afford the same level of support as before, but are contributing what you can to the children’s future.
There's this guy that I'm interested in who works near me. He always stares at me.
Sometimes he does it when he thinks I'm not looking.
One day he walked out of his work area, pretended to look the other way, walked back a bit, then turned around 360 degrees as soon as I caught him looking at me.
He then turned and walked away. He's done this a few times to me. Does this mean anything?
Watching and Wondering
It means that you’re both watching each other.
It could be because the other is doing it, or simple curiosity, or interest (as in your case).
But so far, that interest is based on little more than, “hey, he/she’s looking at me, I wonder why?”
End the silliness and say hello. He could turn out to be married, a bore, or a good guy. But you’ll never know without starting a conversation with a normal greeting.
Tip of the day:
Look for signs of an Internet dating scammer when communication is questionable.