Dear Readers - Some columns spark very different views from readers, including some information that may be helpful to those with similar situations.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose boyfriend is continually irresponsible financially (Dec. 17):

Reader - "This rang a bell for me as I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD in my 50s (apparently normal for women at this age).

"The young woman's boyfriend is perpetually in debt and cannot seem to complete the most mundane of tasks. However, he shines and excels in many other ways.

"To me, there were so many signs of ADD or ADHD in this man. He clearly needs help. They both need awareness and techniques to work together.

"Unknowingly, I'd been developing processes to help me function effectively, and my husband helped, setting up easy formats so I don't get overwhelmed and stay focused.

"I'm known in my business for being highly organized and super effective.

"However, even in cooking or housekeeping - not just at my work - I've been breaking things down into chunks in order to complete tasks.

"My husband and I nearly separated several times, as he felt like he had to be "the grown up" just as that young woman stated. After my brother's positive diagnosis I took the plunge into getting diagnosed, too.

"For me, it's like suddenly putting on eye glasses which I'd needed for years. I can see more clearly as I take medication - my quality of life has improved dramatically. I am no longer suicidal, depressed, confused, or afraid of failure. My ADHD is an ongoing condition that requires exercise, diet and medication."

PS. My breakthrough was with a book titled: Delivered from Distraction by psychiatrists Dr. Edward (Ned) Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey.

"I'm so glad my husband didn't give up on me. We're more solid than ever before in our 15 years together.

"Marriage counselling helped us too, before the ADHD diagnosis. While not immediately, the counselling eventually had a positive outcome and started a dialogue."

Reader - "The letter about the financially irresponsible boyfriend is very much what I experienced in my early 20's.

"My ex-spouse, though a very skilled and talented carpenter, refused to "lower" himself to secure a more consistent income. I ended up dropping the pursuit of my desired career, in order to support us both.

"He worked when he wanted, while I earned our rent, gas money, his cigarette money, etc. Yet I rarely had his support to alter the arrangement once he found jobs that appealed to him.

"Despite that, I married him, had children, and lived with that behavior extending to other aspects of our lives for 14 years. When I discovered he was having an affair, I found the strength I should've used back in my 20's, to end the relationship.

"This woman's boyfriend is being just as disrespectful to her. He doesn't want to be responsible for his role/duties in the relationship, and this will continue until she puts her foot down.... or uses it to kick him out of her life.

"However, it takes time to recover and make sane decisions when you've been treated so poorly. If the guy she has a crush on now is worth anything, he'll respect that and wait. If he puts additional pressure on her, then he's the same type of guy as the one she has now... selfish."

One view calls for working together, the other for moving on. Each person has to decide what he or she can handle, in such situations.

FEEDBACK Regarding discarding diaries that could be embarrassing (Dec. 15):

Reader - "My boyfriend of four years refuses to discard his pictures of naked ex's performing sexual acts on him. He even has videos he made with these women, and, (unseen by me) I assume they're pretty graphic.

"I'm upset knowing they're even around. He has a young son who'll inherit the entire collection. He thinks there's nothing wrong with keeping a video that he claims his child was created in. I think it's disgusting and creepy.

"I love him, but I think he's immature about his stashes of porn. He says he looks at it only infrequently. If we ever live together, I'd have to witness him destroying all the stuff.

"He even keeps digital copies of the pictures, in case something happens to the originals."

Unless you accept his porn habit - or he changes - live apart and avoid cameras.