I’ve been married for 21 years, and have two children. I’m currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. Going through something like this makes you look at your life differently.
I realize that I haven't been 100% happy in my marriage, and with myself. I’ve allowed my husband to act immaturely, selfishly.

He’s a good husband, but easily angered about small stuff. If I spend money he sometimes gets annoyed even though I work full time. I never know even when I purchase a chocolate bar… will that make him mad?
We don’t have money problems, though he always acts like we’re on our last dollar. If I don't say the right thing, he gets mad. It’s like walking on eggshells.
He’s also cheap. He insists my 17-year-olds share a meal whenever we go to a restaurant.

When my brother died, he wouldn’t buy flowers for his funeral, even though I begged him to buy them. I know I own a lot of this problem, because I don’t like to "rock the boat."

But if I try and stand up for myself he gets mad... so I give up, then I get frustrated. I shy away from anger because my dad was an angry person.

How do I get over my anxiety whenever my husband starts to get angry? It’s been his way for years and he’s resistant to change.

He will NOT go to therapy.

Desperate for Change

Your survival instinct’s kicking in. When dealing with major illness, getting rid of unnecessary stress can help your body heal.

Quietly and firmly state that you can’t/won’t handle gratuitous anger because it’s bad for your physical and emotional health. Don’t create a major scene or impasse - just walk away.

If he reacts negatively, insist that he speak to your cancer specialist about the effects of stress.

When healed, get personal counselling to have confidence, without fear, of never again “begging” to buy flowers for a departed relative, or be controlled by anger.

My father and I have never had a close relationship, as he was physically abusive to my sister, and emotionally abusive to all of my siblings and my mother. While he always provided for us quite well, he was an "absentee" father in all other aspects of my life.

Over the years, we’ve discovered that he has frequently cheated on my mom, and has two children with another woman. My sister and I have revealed this to my mom, and while she believes us, she’s made the decision to stay with him and forgive him, even though he continues to cheat.

However, I’ve not been able to move on and have found that I’ve grown to hate him quite passionately. I feel wrong that I feel this way and want to move on, but I just can't!

Sad Son

You’re transferring the pain your father has caused everyone onto yourself… unnecessarily.

It’s natural for you to feel antipathy for someone who abused your family and deceived your mother.

She has a right to forgive him, for her own reasons. You have to respect that, and you must behave decently in her home, even in his presence. But you do NOT have to like him.

Try to see him as little as possible. Take Mom out to enjoy her company – it’ll make her feel more special than her marriage provides.

Counselling will help you, especially if you fear, as a male, that you’ve “inherited” any of his traits. This worry may be fuelling your hatred.

I’ll be going away to college next year, but it’s a school that none of my friends are attending. I'm terrified of the move, without my family and friends. I have no idea how to even start to make new friends.

Scared of Unknown

The “known” in your life, is yourself. You do know which former activities you’d like to keep up (like working out at a gym), new interests you’d like to pursue (e.g. a film club to learn more about films, discuss those you love/dislike), etc.

So start with finding out what’s available at your new college that fits those interests. Then push yourself out the door, go with a friendly attitude, and a smile on your face, and people will be attracted to you.

Other students are also looking to make friends and get comfortable, you’re not the only one, so don’t feel alone or keep yourself off to the side.