I’ve been married for 15 years, and have one child whom we love dearly. My wife is a nice woman and we have a very cordial relationship; we’re friends. But something’s missing. I can’t say anything bad about her; I just no longer feel anything towards her.
I’ve thought about divorcing many times, but stayed because of our child. I suggested a separation four months ago and my wife agreed that it was time.
After a couple of weeks, she went on acting as if we never had the talk. I tried resuming it and every time the same thing happened.
I don't know what to do. I really want to move on. I met a woman who could be my true soul mate and I've fallen in love with her.
She’s made it very clear that she cannot be in a serious relationship with me until I'm separated.
I feel like I'm denying myself my true love because of my wife's indecision. I want to be respectful, but I also want to be happy.
Should I tell my wife about my new love? Would that help her see that we must go our separate ways?
She’s intentionally put the ball in your court… if you want to separate, you have to do the initial work of seeing a lawyer, learning the process, raising and discussing issues of child custody, child support, division of your marital assets, etc.
Meanwhile, she may be hoping it’ll blow over because all you’ve done is raise it.
The decent thing is for you to say that your feelings for her have changed. Then, suggest counselling, as a chance for you both to probe what went “missing.”
If you do proceed to separate, the therapy process can help you negotiate the changes.
Most important: the best interests of your child, and NOT moving “forward” till the separation’s settled.
Two weeks ago I started attending an acting class with a teacher, age 40. I told him that I was new in the city, and he kindly offered to give me a tour around. We found out we had a lot in common. He even started to call me his “little buddy.”
After a few more classes, he invited me to a “baseball” game at his place. I didn’t know what baseball was (it’s not big in my country), but he said it was a game of “swinging your bat to other guy’s balls.”
When I arrived, he was hammered and almost naked, screaming “give it to me.” I panicked and ran out.
I’ve since asked other students about him, and they said he’s a normal person, and that he has a girlfriend.
I decided to give him another try, but since that incident he was always trying to be near me and making physical contact with me.
If he’s gay, I’m not. I tried to explain that I wasn’t interested, but he reacted in a very aggressive way saying that he wanted me to be his “batter.” Should I try to talk to him and fix things?
Be direct; tell him you have no interest in the “baseball” game, that he’s misunderstood your desire to be friends.
If he accepts this, continue with the classes and any group socializing afterwards, but resist any contact alone with him.
His aggression with you even in conversation, and his heavy drinking before your visit, are worrying signals that it can happen again.
I recently retired as teacher and administrator for the school district, which hosted a banquet for all the retirees including our superintendent.
All were formally sent invitations. I was unable to attend and responded as such, via the RSVP card.
A fellow co-worker told me that the district had given a token acknowledging each retiree with the inscription of their names and the number of years of service.
So I contacted the district office and inquired about a token for me. I was told that they only gave them to the retirees who attended.
I find this very unprofessional and of poor taste.
Need Your Take
It’s very unprofessional, in poor taste, and insulting. It’s not about the token itself, it’s about the district staff and/or board’s easy dismissal of the chance to honour someone who’s taught local children for years. It’s worthy of a letter to the Editor of your local newspaper.
Tip of the day:
If you want a divorce, get informed about the issues; don’t expect your partner to handle it for you.