My parents don’t understand me. I’m in university, have a part time job, have a boyfriend, have my own car, and am basically independent. But my parents are on my case all the time about getting my school work done, getting to my job, paying my parking tickets and cleaning up my room.
The biggest issue is that they are always asking me when I’m coming home at night and get angry with me the next day. How can I get them off my case all the time?
Grown Up
I’m sorry to say, but you are NOT grown up if this is how you respond to your parents. You seem to be ignoring the fact that you still live at home, in your parents’ house, for free. You didn’t mention contributing financially to the household, so I’m going to assume you don’t. Therefore, you live rent free, don’t pay for any utilities and eat for free.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m going to also assume that you didn’t buy your own car or pay your insurance. All of this to say that you are also NOT independent.
Your parents have every right to still expect you to abide by rules that they deem necessary for their happy existence in their own home. So, for example, if they want you home by 1 a.m., and you come stumbling in at 4 a.m., they have every right to be angry.
I strongly suggest you sit down together with your parents and discuss your lifestyle in conjunction with theirs and their house rules. Work out a compromise together. If you can’t, it may be time for you to move out.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and we have yet to move in together. Despite him asking me repeatedly, I have point blank refused to move into his place since it is quite literally the doorway to Hell. He's kept it because his recently deceased mother purchased her apartment and passed it down to him. He has nightmare neighbours on both sides.
On one side is a constantly barking dog (neglected and bought for protection) and on the other are hoarders so bad that their mice problem has migrated to his apartment. I have tried to address these issues. After hosting a dinner party where the dog barked for the entire two hours, I called 311. He also had approached the neighbour's wife, who responded with, "You'll have to get used to it" before slamming the door in his face.
I am trying to understand his attachment to the neighbourhood but it's such a terrible place that I feel like moving in would end our relationship. How can I convince him to move on to greener pastures?
Apartment Purgatory
You mentioned that you still live at home, so moving in together would mean his place or somewhere new. If his mother left it to him in her will, I could understand his attachment. However, if it’s unliveable, there must be a solution.
Why don’t you suggest renting out his mother’s place, so it’s still in his ownership, and then renting a place together? The rent he gets for her place should help offset the cost of renting together. Also, you’ve only been together a year. View this as a stepping stone to your future.
If he insists on staying in his mother’s apartment, he’s going to end up there alone. That’s not your problem. From your description, I wouldn’t last a night. How can he?
FEEDBACK Regarding linguistics of they/them (March 12; June 5; Sept. 8):
Reader – “Why does it bother people so much to use the term ‘they’ when a non-binary person wants to be referred to that way? How does it really affect the person speaking? It doesn’t!
“When I learn that a person wishes to be referred to as ‘they,’ I genuinely try to use it even if they’re not around. It really doesn’t bother me. It’s like when I meet someone from a different culture, and I genuinely try to learn the correct pronunciation of their name. It’s an attempt to be respectful for their identity. I really don’t like it when someone bastardizes my name.
“There is a lot I do not understand regarding the LGBTQ2S+ community, but I am not in their shoes. And even though I don’t understand, it does not stop me from being respectful.”