I can’t figure out what’s going on with my aunt. We’re very close; meet for coffee once a week, lunch once a week and she comes for dinner once a week. It started when we were both working downtown, decades ago, and continued all through my adult years, marriage, child-bearing and her retirement.
The dynamics have changed as she is getting on in years, but I still very much enjoy my time with her. And my kids are very close with her as well.
What’s strange is that now, literally every time we see each other, she gives me a gift. But not something new, rather, something from her jewellery drawer, or clothing. She even gifts my kids: a bracelet for my daughter, or a book, or something.
I was recently at her house, which I haven’t been to in a few months and went into her bathroom. I opened a drawer looking for tissue and found no less than 14 lipsticks all in the same colour, all in various levels of use. Intrigued, I opened a few more drawers and was shocked to find multiples of everything and anything. I’m concerned about her mental health.
Should I say something?
Family
Before you say anything to her, I suggest talking to her husband, if she has one, and/or her children. Even have a chat with your parent who is her sibling. Discuss amongst you if anyone else has noticed any behaviour that is out of the ordinary.
From there, you can learn more and discuss next steps. Either way, I would suggest your aunt see her personal physician for a general checkup. Often, physical ailments can present, especially in elderly people, as behavioural changes. Once you have a proper diagnosis – even if there’s nothing more than the normal, forgetful mind of an aging person - you’ll be able to figure out next steps to help your aunt live a happy and healthy life.
My brother just came into some serious money and is acting like a teenager. I’m concerned that he isn’t planning ahead or seeking the advice of a financial planner. He told me that he’s hired a real estate agent to find him a larger home, plus a country house on the lake. He’s also purchased a motorbike and is looking at buying a boat for his new cottage.
My worry is that he’s going to blow his load and not plan for the future, as in thinking about annual payments, roof replacement emergency money, and his own health and wellness. He’s not married, has no children – yet. But he’s desperate for both. So, of course, I’m also now worried about the women he’ll meet only wanting him for his bank account.
How can I protect him?
Big Brother
You sound thoughtful and caring. Have you talked to your brother about any of this? Do you know for certain he’s not planning ahead? Maybe he has his own plan and he’s just not sharing it with you.
However, assuming he’s not, could you suggest he go with you to meet a financial planner, just so he can hear the possibilities? He may not be interested to hear your big brother advice, but he may be willing to speak to a professional.
If he refuses any kind of advice or help, then you need to walk away. He’s an adult and you are not your brother’s keeper. You could, however, ask him if he’d be willing to put aside a small chunk for your parents’ future. If they need it, then you’re looking out for their best interests. If they don’t, then they can put it aside for your brother, just in case.
FEEDBACK Regarding the hot hubby (Feb. 10):
Reader – “I’m also married to a man like ‘hot hubby.’ My sex drive, while on fire in my early 20s, waned as the years passed. After kids, it was low, but my doctor prescribed hormone cream that helped. However, once I hit perimenopause and eventually menopause, my sex drive completely disappeared. And when we do try, it’s not comfortable or fun like it used to be.
“We’re both physically fit and in good health. We enjoy each other's company, laugh a lot and love each other deeply. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. My doctor won’t give me more hormone cream or hormone replacement, due to family history. This is certainly not what we signed up for.
“We’ve had open discussions, and he’s understanding and loving. When I read about gifts, lingerie, etc., all I think about is the guilt this wife must be feeling.”