I’m concerned about a girl friend who’s early-30s, normally shy, and reserved. She freezes around men and hasn't had many relationships since college.

Several years ago, she hired a male escort for a reunion event.

She fell for him, kept hiring him for "dates," including sex, and paid $2000 for a full night, more than once.

It messed with her head. He ended contact after weeks of her erratic behaviour.

She vandalized his car, broke his window when he had another girl over, wrote a public blog including his photo, and stalked him and his female friends online.

He recently got engaged. I’m worried about what she might do to his fiancée, whom she follows online. She knows where she works and lives.

She’s threatened him that she has friends on the police force and will expose him for prostitution if he got police involved in her stalking.
She refuses to go to counselling. She truly believes he’s in love with her; she just needs to keep trying to win his affection.
How can I help her? Her mother died recently, she has no other family, she’s talking like she doesn’t care about anything. I fear something bad is going to happen.

I have no evidence to involve the police, just what she tells me.

Worried Friend

Your friend’s behaviour is too bizarre and worrisome for you to intervene wholly on your own.

First, ascertain if she’s telling you facts or fantasy. Contact this man, say you’re concerned about your friend and need to know if her stories of odd behaviour are true.

If so, try to convince her to attend “grief” counselling (which may be an acceptable start). Tell her openly that you fear she’s heading for a dangerous nervous breakdown after her mother’s death.

If that doesn’t start a process of therapy, discuss the case, as you know it with police. If true, she’s gone too far towards potential disaster ahead.

I'm 21, recently started a new relationship. Previously, I’ve had my ups and downs with relationships.

We met unconventionally, she worked the night shift, and I stayed to talk most of the night. We laughed and joked around.

We found connections in our pasts that I’ve not found in others.

Lately, whenever I text her, she doesn’t respond. She recently got out of a bad relationship.

I want to stop texting her and give her some space, but I always find something to say.

I did wish her Happy Valentine’s Day and complimented her (not over the top). I haven't dropped the "L" bomb, nor do I intend to very soon. She wants to take things slow.

What should my next move be?

Relationshipwrecked

Too much insecurity often “wrecks” things. Try showing interest without being so unsure of your every move.

You like this girl, but you’re way soon for even thinking about love. It’s early days of getting to know each other, and taking her cues.

She’s not big on text so don’t hound her. Save what you have to say for when you’re together. If the communication is all from you, then you learn little about her and can’t respond accordingly.

She said slow, so back off. Make a definite date, ask what she’d like to do, and wait till that day/night to enjoy each other’s company.

Don’t just expect to see her. Instead, develop a pattern of getting together on weekends since she works the night shift. She’ll appreciate this more than your just hanging around her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the sale of baby clothes by a close friend (Feb. 15):
Reader – “The writer’s description, "My close friend’s new baby daughter is first cousin to my daughters," is somewhat strange.

“If the children are first cousins, then the mothers must be sisters or sisters-in-law.

“I suspect that there is more going on here than just an insensitive friend profiting from surplus baby clothes. I believe it’s something in the way of sibling rivalry or a history between relations.”
Ellie – You’re picking up the clues, as I must do, and this did sound like a family connection that isn’t smooth despite the “close friendship.”

It also seems the mother was stirring up attitude about the clothes being sold, though they no longer fit the writer’s daughters.

I often find that old rivalries (as sisters or perhaps with her brother, if he’s the “friend’s” husband) are the background to hurt reactions.