I'm 45, male, and urban-living. I take care of myself; I'm chivalrous, and handsome. I've been single for five years and date, but it’s more work than I imagined.

I’m in a profession, earn well, own a car, and home… yet my dating life’s still trying sometimes.

(I sometimes regret leaving my ex who it turns out was the gold standard).

I believe women don't have a realistic picture of dating and relationships. They’re the Sex in the City generation, raised on what’s only an entertaining TV show.

Also, women have succeeded in the workplace, in professional university programs, graduate programs, etc., so where do they expect to find an unattached professional man in their same financial/social status or bracket?

Women are the “new men” and marrying down isn't an option they want.
I also find that singles who date always behave in their same patterns, with the same results.

I’m black, and in a city with great diversity; if you’re not prepared to date outside your cultural background, then just give up now. It seems some people would rather be in a miserable relationship with someone who fits into their family scheme instead of attempting to find true happiness.

Single Male Perspective

Okay, you vented here. But what’s missing is any sense of the new behaviour you’re using to date smarter and more successfully.

Here’s my response to your semi-rant: STOP doing whatever you’ve been doing that isn’t working. DO go outside your old comfort zone and beliefs when you seek dates.

You unfortunately sound like a jerk when you turn the success of accomplished women into your personal excuse for their not being interested in you. Hopefully, you don’t say this publicly.

Get back out there - and don’t look for “gold standards,” whatever that means. There are decent, lovely women looking for connections, just like you are. Treat them with respect and if there’s an attraction, give yourself a chance to know them better, without so much judgment.

I’m 18, severely overweight - 5’11” and weigh between 250-300 pounds. My dad calls me fat. He yelled at me at the mall that I wasn’t allowed to get French fries. Guys have said they won't date me because I’m so huge.

I’m considering getting tummy/leg/arm-tuck surgery to be skinnier.
My self-esteem’s been badly affected. Friends say I’m beautiful, and fine the way I am, but I don't believe them.
I joined a gym with no results. I’ve tried changing portion sizes and what I eat, but it doesn't help.

Would it be beneficial to have plastic surgery? How do I fix my self-esteem?

Unhappy

You need a program and support people to help you achieve a healthy body weight, appropriate for your height and bone structure.

Put aside thoughts of plastic surgery, which always carries risk of complications, and is expensive. It also won’t last, unless you change any unhealthy eating and lifestyle habits.

Most important, see your family doctor, to check for any physiological reasons affecting your weight.

You’re beautiful, and do NOT need to be skinny to have self-esteem. Rather you need to gain confidence, by feeling energetic and comfortable in your own skin.

A nutritionist can teach you what foods are healthy, and which ones will defeat efforts to improve your well being. (Severe overweight can lead to heart problems, diabetes, and other lifespan-shortening conditions.)

An exercise trainer would add to your “team” – all cheaper than surgery.

You’re at the perfect age and stage to change your life positively. Get going.

I’ve drifted from a once-close friend, as she’d only call when she needed a favour or help.

When included in group outings, she’d insist on her way, or not attend. Other friends have shut her out completely.

Recently, she’ll ask my boyfriend, whom she met through me, to drive her places or "chill” together. It’s okay, except that she hasn't spoken to me for months, so I think it's odd and rude.

I want to give her another chance, but think she must realize her attitude has turned many off. How should I tell her this?

Annoyed

Confront, or you’ll resent her more, and distance further. Be direct, not unkind, and raise the things that are bothering you, with fair examples. It’s the only chance to try to re-connect. Or she just doesn’t care any more.

Meanwhile, recognize that your boyfriend’s also “annoying” you by hanging out with her, so talk to him too.