I love my wife of 20 years very much. We have two beautiful kids; but my wife can't seem to find happiness in anything, and is very unforgiving and often harsh towards them and me.

I know she loves me but she seldom demonstrates that. Her self-esteem is low because of weight gain – doesn't care or believe me when I say she's beautiful – and other health issues keep her from doing things she may like to do.

I've become very angry over the whole situation and find myself short-tempered with my kids, dogs, and in general.

I'm tired of giving our relationship everything for little in return. I'm thinking of giving up on our marriage.

I don't know if I can be happy without the one I love, but don't know how much longer I can last.

Desperate Situation

Since you love your wife, leaving should be your last resort.

While her emotional distance is hard to bear, it’s obvious that she’s suffering herself, greatly. No one wants to be that unhappy. If you “give up,” you’ll confirm everything negative she feels about herself.

She needs counselling to boost her self-esteem, which may also give her the will to deal with her weight gain instead of believing it now defines her.

BUT, do not suggest counselling as if she needs “fixing.” Say that you regret the breach in your relationship (don’t blame her for this). Say you love her and believe you can resolve this together with professional guidance. Otherwise, you fear that you’ll drift apart enough to break up and you do not want this.

Hopefully, she’ll respond, and you’ll start counselling together. While there, suggest she have her own private therapy, without you around. You might consider the same.

I’ve been contributing monthly to a government-registered education savings plan since my son’s birth. I continued this after divorcing four years ago. His father made no contributions ever.

Through our divorce, it was agreed my ex would retain half the plan’s value at the time of separation; I’d retain the remainder.

My son’s now heading to university and the plan’s matured. Our legal agreement is clear on how the money’s to be divided. The plan dictates it be paid out in increments over the next four years. I’m committed to supporting my son financially and will be paying for my share of his school costs (which is why I retained and paid into the plan).

However, the company’s advised me that they’re unable to release the money because they received a letter from my ex husband saying he was entitled to 50% of the money, to be deposited into his account. But they wouldn’t do so without my consent.

My ex is now furious, threatening legal action and demanding 50% of the money and his entire share the first year! He has no interest in abiding by any contracts.

How do I deal with him and this situation?

Stymied Mom

Deal through a lawyer, not personally. Do not engage in conversations or arguments about this. Your lawyer will inform him of the legal consequences of not abiding by the contract. Ask the lawyer to also make some statement about what this means to his and your son, with regard to his being able to get a university education.

Dealing with this yourself will only firm his position against you. He’s still playing out whatever divisions caused you two to divorce.

How should I respond to an old friend who’s recently become a sales representative for a product line, when she tries to sell me her products?

I politely told her that I have a few favourites of that kind of item but she insisted that I try her sample products and let her know how I like them.

I’m disappointed in her for using our friendship as a source of sales.
How do I respond?

Annoyed Friend

Most salespeople of product lines sold informally are encouraged and hyped-up to pitch friends and family as customers.

Say that you understand this, but have a personal preference for the choices you’ve made.

However, as an old friend, you could test a sample or two, to show you’re not just opposing her. You could also make suggestions where she might do well – e.g. with local groups who might sign up for a product demonstration and sale, as group entertainment.