I'm 43, have been married twice; my fiancée is 41, married once before; we're planning to marry soon.
We fight about her staying "friends" with all her ex boyfriends. With one fellow, there's obvious chemistry, fire and attraction between them. She's been seeing him once monthly for several years.
Last December, I tagged along and witnessed sparks between them. I was upset and told my fiancée that I'm not comfortable with her seeing this man, or any ex-boyfriend. I also intercepted her email message to him, saying, "I love you too and maybe we can get together in the future again."
She's abided by my wishes up to this point but I fear that she'll eventually see him behind my back and will resent my request.
Am I being too sensitive, foolish or untrustworthy?

- Troubled

Discuss postponing the wedding. Her email message is either a purposeful attempt to keep him hoping for more from her - perhaps because she likes the flattery - or reveals her desire for a back-up plan.
You need to insist that she come clean about her intent with this man. If it's friendship only, she's misleading him and putting your relationship at risk.
She must cool the email communication and put their contact, if any, on a purely platonic level, minus the teasing and innuendo.
If she refuses or sneaks around, you need to take a break from her to decide how much you can compromise on her keeping friendships with ex'es.

I'm 37, adopted at birth, but although my adoptive mother did the best she could, we were never close. She openly favoured my older brother who wasn't adopted.
Before she died (I was 18), she asked me to forgive her for not loving me.
My father later re-married and, although my step-mother is a good person, her own daughter and grandchildren always come first.
Ten years ago, I contacted my birth mother, and she was ADAMANT about not being contacted again, saying that her mother would kill her if she knew about me.
I said I just wanted her to know I had a good life and wanted to thank her for the choice she made… she responded, "I never wondered."
I'm now married and have two children of my own, and I'm revisiting the issue of contacting her, to give some history to my own children.
I suppose if she wanted to find me, she could've.
However, since I've been married for eight years with a new name, it could've been difficult.
Your thoughts?

- Rejected by Mothers

Your chances of a response, let alone a connection are slim, but you could make a last, simple outreach. I recommend this only if you can handle it in as non-emotionally as possible, by expecting nothing and not considering a No as yet another rejection.
Your birth mother made her position clear, and it's obvious by her disinterest that you did get the better deal by being adopted.
You've ended up happy in your own family life and, since you understand the value of being a nurturing mother better than those you've known, you can focus on your love for your own children. Their love for you will eventually erase the hurts of the past, IF you stop building false hopes for finding that elusive image of a "mother" for you who doesn't really exist.
If your biological mom does reply, I advise that you anticipate nothing more than factual information.

Two years ago I discovered that my husband of 22 years was having up to 10 daily cell phone conversations with an attractive young lady. They were also very affectionate openly with one another. He promised that it would stop.
However, I'm insanely jealous.
He assures me that nothing is, or was ever going on, but I feel so unloved.  He says he loves me but doesn't treat me the way he used to years ago. Yet I see him show love to our children.
Should I call it quits?

- Grieving

Go to couples' counselling together; you need professional help so you can both understand that his interest in this girl caused you to experience a profound sense of loss.
Long marriages undergo many changes, which require communication and adjustment. Instead, he reached out elsewhere, and needs to explore with you, why that happened, and how to get past it.