I met this guy last year from a dating site, and developed special feelings for him. We usually hang out at his place. On the first date, he said he "likes me."

It was like a "boyfriend-girlfriend" thing but not exclusive for me yet, though he once said he has a girlfriend and then said my name.

Recently, I saw an email from a girl on his laptop; he said she was just a "friend." I contacted her and learned she hangs out with him in his house, too.

I stopped talking with him. I went back to the dating site. He soon contacted me. He said I'm "very sneaky," but wasn't mad for what I did though he sounded like he was. I'm still talking with him nicely, despite being hurt. Did I go overboard? Am I the bad guy?

Uncertain

Seeing you only at his place, is a sex-only relationship, not boyfriend-girlfriend "dating." Who knows how many more sex partners he has?

So, he was exposing you to potential STD's, and maybe you were exposing him too, since you weren't seeing him exclusively. He led you on, and you invaded his privacy.

Maybe you both could qualify as the "bad" guy, but either way, it's a crummy relationship all around, unless you don't mind health risks, lack of honesty, and double-dealing.

I'm a woman, 37, with a strong faith, who had an affair with a man, 54. I could say it was his fault - that he betrayed me and lied to me. But the truth is I chose to go forward with this despite my morals and values.

Eighteen months later, after many battles and pain, it was over. I hurt his live-in partner and three children. To heal and move on, I had to look in the mirror and take full responsibility for what I'd done. He never forced me - I had free will.

To all the women and men who think that affairs and cheating don't come with a price tag, let me tell you it does. The love people think they have in affairs is just filling holes with deception and lies. You end up hurting everyone including yourself.

Regrets

Many people will appreciate your sharing your story and how it's affected you, as they too believe that no party goes into an extra-marital affair innocently, nor because the married person was "stolen" from their spouse.

My personal view on cheating is very stern,

which I know isn't for everyone. If you're unfaithful to

me, it ends, PERIOD. There's no "let's try again," or "let's get counselling"... it's over! I have always been VERY up-front and honest with men in my previous relationships, and it prevents any "unclear" messages later on.

I've seen too many friends who took back their cheating significant others, only to be cheated on again. Attending marital counselling, taking breaks, and working on personal

issues never seemed to deter their unfaithful ways.

I understand that when a couple have children, a home, and years as a family, it can be difficult and disruptive to call it all off. But maybe cheating partners need to see the consequences of their actions. In my opinion, no self-respecting person should take back an unfaithful partner.

Personal View

It doesn't matter if others disagree with you - including me, in some cases - because you're consistent and clear. That's a fair deal, if accepted.

I think I made a mistake by marrying so young, and would like to end a relationship that is just a merry-go-round. How do I do that tactfully? We have a joint account and I would just like my share of the money. Everything else, I do not care about.

Ready to Change

Protect your future. Don't just leave and expect to get half of the money. See a lawyer (or at least inform yourself of the law in your jurisdiction). If you've bought assets together (house, car, furnishings), you'll need your share of the money invested in them to re-settle.

Since you acted impetuously when young, you may be trying to flee impetuously. Plan how you'll change your circumstances - go back to school, get a job, move alone or with a roommate, etc. You may also need counselling to help you through this process so that you don't later have new regrets.