I’m 23, an IT professional, with my own place/life/career… all the things that never worked out before. 

However, though I’m friendly, sociable and never had trouble dating, I now feel “pointed at by lesser men,” as though my peers perceive me having little value/importance, because I don’t have much interaction with others in my age group.

Worse, when I do get positive responses (from guys OR girls) they’re several years younger than me, so we have little in common.

I know I don’t act like some creep, but in the end it’s some jerky guy getting looks from the girl I was talking with.

I’m open to having just fun, OR a relationship, but do I look stupid because I don’t follow the trends?

- Feeling Low

Being unique ultimately has a lot more going for it, than being a cookie-cutout of those who fear cutting loose from the pack. So stick with being yourself. You’ve achieved a lot by age 23, and no doubt it took great focus and effort. 

But in your newly settled professional status, the other part of your life needs a new plan, which is more constructive than worrying about people judging you. Get involved in activities where you’ll meet people with the same interest.

Instead of seeing others as “lesser men,” show true self-esteem by being open to meeting and befriending people of all ages, men and women alike. The broader your network, the more opportunities await you.

Whenever the name of my boyfriend (together one year) comes up my mother rolls her eyes and mutters “Is he still in the picture?” She’s disliked ALL of my boyfriends. The first was too clingy, the second too weird, the third too uncouth, etc. In every instance, I’ve been told I could do better and have been forced to choose between my family and my boyfriend because my mother made things so uncomfortable when we visited. 

My boyfriend is supportive but doesn’t understand why, at 30, I feel the need to conform to my parents’ opinions. He long ago told his family to stay out of his personal life. But family has always been important to me; we’ve always been close.

My guy and I have been discussing marriage and I want this to be a happy affair. How can I get my family, especially my mother, to accept my choice?

- Miserable

Two ways to look at a mother who dislikes ALL your boy friends: 1) She’s overprotective, controlling and trying to curb your happiness; 2) She’s seen something in your choices that have caused her genuine concern for your long term comfort with each guy. 

If you feel #1 is close to accurate, you really can’t let her opinion impede you, so carry on with your marriage plans and set limits on her involvement.

If #2 has any ring of truth as you look back on your former boyfriend picks, study your pattern and see if there’s a thread that attaches itself to your current choice.

Then, you can either hug Mom and tell her you’re certain of this guy so she can relax, or thank her for caring so much, and take more time before you commit to marrying.

How soon should my friend return her shower gifts? Her fiancé dumped her and she just cries when I try to raise this.

- Wondering

Compassion trumps etiquette, for a while – but after six months, offer to help her with this task.

I’m 21, a female, studying engineering, so I hang out with a lot of male friends, and some have asked me out on dates. 

However, I don’t find any of them romantically appealing to me. I try not to hurt their feelings. But some are frighteningly obsessive: They find out where I live and deliver things to my house, or keep sending persistent/threatening emails. I usually end up saying I’m not looking for a boyfriend.

Is there something wrong with my way of talking to them? I’m certain nothing in my behaviour encouraged them.

- Pursued

Hanging out with people who obsessively try to date you despite your refusals, sends a mixed message. Anyone stalking or threatening you should be avoided, and warned that you’ll lodge an official complaint if they persist. 

Fortunately, women can become engineers today, without having to walk on eggshells around men, especially those who are troublesome.