Dear Reader:
       The search for the Perfect Mate lives on, even among the optimistic elderly. It happened Sept. 23 in this column: a man, 77, wrote his “dating profile” for this not-a-dating-site space. Immediately, many female wannabe-soul-mates sought to be matched with him.    
       While my work isn’t about setting up strangers, it IS about gleaning insights from the countless letters I receive, into how people can get and enjoy meaningful relationships.
       The gentleman writer had listed his credentials: widower, home-owner, educated, healthy, fit, likes romance and cooking, wants someone who appreciates art, classical music, serious literature and conversation. Here’s a sampling of the many replies:    
       Reader - I'm that girl! I’m just like that man. I'm a widow, 66, very anxious for a companion. It's very hard to find the right match at this age. I'm college-educated (two degrees), financially secure, LOVE classical music, literature, cook and bake, play music, and can't find anyone to talk seriously with about life.        
       Could this gentleman and I possibly get in touch???  
       Reader - Every so often in life one must do something out of the ordinary.  Please pass on my email address to your writer who’s seeking someone SPECIAL.  
       Reader - I’d love to get in touch with this gentlemen. Please forward to him the following message:     “I was reading your story and wondering if it was written by my alter ego. I'm 67, European background, sensitive and caring. I love literature (Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Mann, Zola ...) and have a big book collection. I love classical music, art and nature.    
       “I'm modern but respecting old values; a gourmet cook but aware of a healthy lifestyle. I have a philosophical outlook about life and people, spiced with sense of humour. I’d  love to meet you for an interesting discussion, and exchange a few gourmet recipes ...”

It’s clear there are many like-minded people out there who could become interesting acquaintances, closer friends, and even – when trust and mutual goals have been established –companion/lovers.    
       The answer that I gave to that man applies to these women, and many other men and women as well: It’s unrealistic to build expectations that you’ll suddenly chance upon the Perfect Mate. Instead, broaden your networks of people, be positive and open-minded and learn to see what makes each person unique and special.     
       As example, one male reader came up with his idea for meeting new potential friends and dates:    
       Reader - Suggest he join a square dance club. There are lots of widows and not enough single or widowed men. My wife and I, 69, have square-danced for 20 years, several times weekly. A two-hour (not continuous) dance is equivalent to walking 5 miles.

My mother is intelligent and wise and I value her opinion. But sometimes, after we’ve discussed some important matter I’m considering, regarding my own family, she’ll over-worry about my children, and/or me, and pass on her concerns and worst-case scenarios.    
       It makes me second-guess myself after I’d already settled on a decision. How can I get her to stop doing this without hurting her feelings?
       - Unsettled

Consider Mom’s opinions as one respected resource  - canvas her early on, along with other research - then decide. Do not add emotional freight to her opinion, more than you would to an expert’s advice.    
       When Mom starts her Round Two analysis, tell her kindly and respectfully that she’s confusing you, and you’re happy with your plans. If there’s new information you should research, do so independently.

There’s so much scare-mongering about this swine flu pandemic that I wonder which hygiene information is overkill and which is useful for prevention.      
       If you must take crowded buses and other public transport between your job, home and school too, and if you work in a large office, attend college, etc. how can you possibly avoid getting sick, short of getting the vaccine and praying?
       - Skeptic in the Crowd

According to an updating of previous studies on preventing the passing of germs, which was recently conducted by researchers in Rome, Italy, frequent hand-washing - more than 10 times daily – is essential. The scientists also concluded that medications, masks and quarantines are all worthwhile strategies to halt the spread of this H1N1 virus as well as other respiratory illnesses such as flu and SARS.      Also, maintain your personal hygiene. And stay alert to news bulletins about the pandemic in your area.