My friend has been through drug rehab twice and emerged healthier and making good decisions.  

A year later, he’s stopped returning phone calls and acting strangely when I and a mutual friend get together with him for sober activities.

Recently, he was sweating profusely, and stayed in the bathroom for 15 minutes. The mutual friend and I agreed we should do an intervention, but he wants to act immediately, and I think we should gather information about how to go about it.

Also, another friend will be visiting here soon. Add in two other concerned friends.

I believe that numbers are needed because this guy denies he’s using.

Should we do this now with four of us or wait for the other friend, while informing ourselves?

- Unsure

Get it right. Start researching through the Internet, bearing in mind that some interventionist programs are commercial operations. 

See www.canadadrugrehab.ca (a free online directory of services and information), and www.spiritandassociates.com for starters. Intervention experts Penny Pennachi and Gene Middleton travel throughout the United States to conduct interventions, in their private practice, SPIRIT and Associates.

You may also glean helpful information by talking to someone at a local addiction research facility.

Ultimately, you may consider that, with five friends pitching in for costs, plus possibly more from his family, getting experienced professionals to do the work may be more effective.

I’m 33, raising my daughter, 13, by myself. 

Last year I started seeing this wonderful-seeming guy. I let him know early that my daughter has some issues, but he said, “She just needs a father figure to give her support and guidance.”

When we decided to live together, he suggested we move to his state, Indiana, where my daughter would get the education and the help (mentally) that she needs.

We started making wedding plans, and going to counselling. But in April we’d been bickering (little stuff) and my daughter started acing out.

Five weeks before we were to be married, he postponed the wedding. He feels my daughter’s out of control (she’s not, she’s doing things that teenagers do: attitude, rolling eyes, etc. and I get at her about all that and make sure she respects both of us).

Meanwhile, I was laid off and this man has given us only until the end of this month to get out, and threatens to put us out.

Our relatives haven’t room or the finances to help me. How did this happen to me?

- Struggling

Go to a shelter with your daughter, as a safety measure for both of you. From there, you’ll be helped to get in touch with social services; also, your faith community may be able to help. Once away from this man, you can focus on finding work. 

Your judgment on this guy clearly wasn’t accurate, but then, he worked hard at winning you over. Unfortunately, he had little understanding or tolerance for difficult teens – not so surprising since many parents also find those years of parenting extremely trying.

Knowing your daughter’s issues and limitations, you now can see in retrospect, that moving away from your supports and relying totally on this man was risky. It would’ve been better for him to move to your state.

Once you both get settled again, it’s time to address your daughter’s needs and behaviour in a more structured way. She may need medication and/or therapy along with the love and understanding you’re already giving her.

My (overweight) father has always pestered me about being overweight. I’m 30. When I’m on the heavier side, he shows disappointment, questions what I’m eating, if I’m dieting, etc.  

He now says I need to watch my weight so my husband won’t lose interest in me.

I know my father loves me but doesn’t realize how hurtful his comments are… especially, as I get older. I’ve tried to discuss this, but he doesn’t get it.

- Hurt

Take control. Say he’s hurting you, and though you love him, you’ll have to see less of him if he continues to feed you this diminishing, disrespectful criticism. 

Tell him that instead of motivating you, he’s eroding your self-confidence, which everyone knows is a sure trigger to giving up on the challenges of overweight and turning to comfort food.

Cut visits for a while; when you see or speak to him, walk away when he mentions weight.