My brother and I were never close. He married a woman I didn’t like (she assaulted him years before while intoxicated) and who seems to dislike me.

I have a family with three beautiful kids and, even though he lives within a couple of hours’ driving distance, he never visits. I visited their new house once several years ago.

They’ve been invited here many times. I’ve asked many times why he won't visit and have never been answered. He visits his wife's family all over the place.

So after many mature e-mails to talk it out (we used to meet at our mother's house for holidays and got along perfectly) I can no longer pretend there’s no problem in our relationship.

I feel insulted. I refuse to have a holiday meal at Mom's with him until he can explain his thinking or even acknowledge that there needs to be a discussion. He knows this and we haven't seen each other for two years. So are we destined to never talk to each other again?

Brothers’ Rift

When both sides dig into polarized positions, the relationship’s doomed. But it’s not at all “mature.” You know that the main problem is between you and his wife, yet you don’t acknowledge it.

He was fine seeing you at your mom’s place, because his wife can’t refuse that visit. But she can refuse a visit to your place, and also refuse to let him go alone.

You hold a grudge against her from a past incident…. something he’s decided to forgive long ago. She may not be likeable, but she’s his wife.

Stop asking him “why?” Decide whether you’re able to be gracious to her, and if so, demonstrate this behavior at your mother’s next gathering. Then, visit them again, and invite them back. Brothers should make every effort to stay connected… there are life passages ahead when you’ll need to co-operate with each other.

Recently, a teacher from my school passed away. She taught Grade 3 (my cousin was in her class). I didn't know her very well, because it’s my first year at this school’s gifted program, but I’m really sad about her tragic and sudden passing.

I believe she was in her mid-30s. Police officers showed up at our school and informed us that it was of natural causes and she passed in her sleep, during the night.

The news struck us during the day and it cancelled all the school’s day plans. (The day before her death I bumped into her in the hallway).

This news has brought dismay into the lives of all the teachers and students. I wish there was a way I could get everybody's mind off things.

Mixed Emotions

You have the true “gift” of compassion. The death of someone who’s still considered young is always tragic, and for even younger people like yourself and other students, it’s also shocking, upsetting, even confusing because it goes against the order of things you’ve learned.

But it’s not your responsibility to take this loss off people’s minds. The school officials and perhaps a grief counselor have the task of trying to comfort everyone who knew her through the school.

However, you can honour this teacher’s memory, either on your own through a donation, or volunteer work related to a charitable cause. And you can also make that suggestion to your class teacher or the school principal, as a group endeavor, if it’s possible.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grief-stricken woman whose beloved dog was fatally attacked by a mal-treated pit-bull (March 14):

Reader – “I lost my wonderful dog after ten years. It plunged me into the deepest grief. We were together all the time and suddenly she was gone and I couldn't protect her.

“That was three years ago. It changed my worldview. One tip that helped me a lot - I wrote a list of all the things that were unique about “Miranda.” I posted it on my blog. Even now I’ll add things that I remember about her.

“It may be difficult for a non-animal-loving person to understand, so I suggest she share her feelings with someone who loves animals as much as she does. I was lucky to have a good friend in a similar situation with similar sensitivity. Avoid those who try to diminish, deride, or dismiss the idea of grief for a pet.”