My fiancée and I are a perfect match, except sexually.

I discovered she was involved with a married man for the past three years and through further snooping learned they still have contact. The old emails I found were so explicit and passionate!

I’ve never had any complaints as a lover, yet when I initiate lovemaking, she never seems interested. I’ve not felt jealous or insecure before, and am wondering if I should confront her.

I also intercepted recent email mail from him and I asked him to cease contact with her or I’d send all old emails to his family. I did confront her about this and she insists I’m the only one for her and that she hadn’t been in touch with him for months.

- Cooler Bed

I’m seeing a big red flag: Her words don’t match her actions.

While your snooping was wrong, the main issue remains: What’s up with her sexual distance? You need the answer before you plan a wedding.

An illicit affair is often made more intense by its risk-taking element, but that doesn’t mean you should accept a cold response now that she’s in a legitimate relationship.

If she’s still mourning the loss of this guy in her life, break off your engagement and give her time to either recover, or to confess she was looking for stability but lacked the desire you deserve.

My husband’s sister visited with her teenage daughter (14) who was rude to me all day.

I ignored it until she was rude to my eight-year-old son.

The mother said nothing so finally I told the teenager, sternly, "Don't tell him what to do.”

The girl threw a crying fit, which upset her mother who yelled and swore at my son. He’d said nothing and felt hurt.

The next day I emailed the mother, said my son and I are upset about their behaviour, and so my husband and I are stopping their visits until their attitude towards us changes. I explained that we love and care about them and enjoy them coming over, but won’t accept the bad attitude towards myself and my children.

My sister-in-law and the teenager emailed me back with swearing and insults. This caused a major family rift.

Now my sister-in-law wants to meet me over coffee and clear this up but my husband is angry and says absolutely not. His mother died last year and I don't want to be blamed for breaking up the family, but I’m tired of their constant drama.

- What to Do?

This is a hostile sibling relationship between your husband and his sister, which you cannot change alone. He has to want to heal the rift, and meet with her to discuss it.

Currently, she’s ranting at you because she’s unwilling to confront her brother about whatever’s wrong between them. It appears to have gone on for some time, and now has escalated since their mother’s death.

Worse, she encourages her daughter to pitch in to the battle.

Instead of you blaming this teenager, feel sympathy for her because she’s being given such a poor model of how to deal with troubled family matters; she could benefit from more understanding and less reaction, even though her rudeness is disturbing.

Your husband has let you be on the front line of this battle. Tell him it’s time he recognizes and addresses what’s behind all the drama, rather than just lash out about incidents.

My common-law husband of 18 years is hard working but overly generous to his 19 relatives (including grandchildren). At birthdays and occasions, he gives money – totalling $1500 for Christmas alone.

He never gets a thank you, or any gifts from his married children.

Among six siblings, only he and two others help their mother financially.

We cannot afford this but he’s defensive.

- Troubled

Have a general budget chat without focusing only on his gifts to family. Review your current incomes and expenses and where there’s any shortfall or problems of having to do without things you both want.

Do NOT blame him, let him see where he’s overspending himself.

Then, offer suggestions for cutbacks in a few areas, not just his gifts.

Later on, suggest that some gift coupons at stores and restaurants for less money might be equally appreciated by relatives. It’ll hopefully kick-start his own reality check.