I’m a divorced male in a two-year relationship. 

I continue to learn about her past from innocent conversations with her family that confirms that she’s told me many lies.

I love her and wouldn’t judge her by earlier mistakes she made, and have made her aware of this. She got her life together, on her own as a single mom with a great job, which I admire and respect.

I’ve asked her to tell me what I should know, because her relatives chat about the past at family get-togethers. They assume I know everything; she quickly changes the subject.

I recently learned she married her first husband at 18; three years later she left him and their two children for five years due to a traumatic event (unknown to me).

She’d told me those two now-adult children, were foster children she’s taken in “as if” they were her own; and that she hadn’t married their father (untrue).

Unfortunately, I told my friends and family that she’s such a good person to treat foster children as her own.

I’m disturbed that she’s let me continue to believe lies for two years.

- What To Do?

I rarely like ultimatums, but your girlfriend needs one: Either she clears the air with you and trusts that you can accept the truth and still love her, or you’ll split. 

You can’t develop this relationship on a foundation of mystery and lies. It indicates her lack of faith in your union, as if there’s no point in revealing more than she has to, since it won’t last.

Survivors, such as she is, often feel they have to protect themselves by withholding their deeply personal flaws and failures. But love is partly about accepting each other’s warts and prickly bits. Tell her this, but that you can’t be the only honest partner. Mean it.

My daughter, 38, has anorexia; she’s married and has 2 children.  

We’ve been trying to convince her to get professional help but she’s avoiding my husband and I. She’s around 70 pounds, lost all her teeth, looks sickly.

My whole family’s questioned us why her husband isn’t encouraging or forcing her to get help.

She acknowledges her anorexia but won’t do anything about it. She was in several hospitals two years ago but now won’t go.

She moved one hour away so my husband and I don’t see her or our grandchildren except on holidays. She feels it’s her life and we shouldn’t get involved.

- Desperate in Illinois

She’s on a terrible trajectory towards ending her life rather living it. 

Severe anorexia is a psychological disorder similar to an out-of-control addiction or obsession - with health effects that can turn fatal. As parents, you can’t stand back.

Quickly get informed about anorexia and its health risks.

Speak to a lawyer about her personal rights versus her responsibilities to her children.

Find a specialist in eating disorders in her area. Then, take your research to your daughter, express it clearly and concisely, and alert her that she’s also risking her children’s emotional health by continuing this ultimately destructive behaviour.

She may reject you, but you’ll still have shown how much you love her, which may be a lifeline for her.

Stay as close as you can, despite her efforts to distance.

• The web site for the National Eating Disorder Information Centre - www.nedic.ca - provides a Service Provider Directory based on the needs of the person. Also, you can call: 1-866-NEDIC-20(1-866-633-4220)

I’m late-20s (look younger). 

The boss in my new job is mid-60s. He makes passes at me, inappropriate comments, pokes me, and flirts.

I’ve withheld telling him his behaviour is inappropriate since he’s retiring soon.

I’ve also heard his verbal disrespect and negativity about other employees who’ve criticized him. But I’m worried that his disrespect is hindering my image as a professional within the organization, though I’m over-qualified for my position.

Is staying quiet smart, or hindering my career?

- Eager to Please

Keep a record of your bosses’ behaviour; talk to your human resources official, and submit this record, even if you don’t wish to take it further, IF his retirement is imminent. 

However, if his advances – especially his touching – increase, tell him straight up that you’ve filed a report and he should stop immediately if he wishes to retire without incident.

Trust me, everyone will know you’re professional.