I’m 22, together 18 months with a man, 40; we get along well, but big fights happen when I try to stop his calling another woman 3-4 times daily, over six years (they’ve never met). They used to have phone sex, he says they’re now just friends. 

The problem: there’s a romantic tone to their relationship. He says she has mental problems and he must maintain the fantasy for her. He tells her he loves her.

I’ve broken up with him but keep going back – he’s my first love, first lover.

My family says I’m stupid but I cook, clean, spend time with him, and have sex with him even when I’m left unsatisfied.

I just can’t accept her. And he’s not willing to give her up. He suggested I stop contact with him and when he’s finally rid of her, he’ll tell me. But why can't she wait, instead of me?

- In Pain

Mr. Phone Freak is the problem, not the woman or their relationship. He’s hooked you with a whopper of a tale, and you’ve bought it, because of inexperience and emotional confusion. 

First Love is not always Last Love; part of growing up is learning to separate from early attachments that hold you back, or become too controlling.

This man is doing whatever he wants, and getting household help and fast sex in the bargain.

Find your pride. Even if he were to drop contact with his partner-in-fantasy, your relationship would still be unhealthy, because he’s felt entitled to string you along this way, for so long. He’s seen your pain, and dialed his escape from caring.

Heal yourself: Leave him.

I’m pursuing a Master’s degree under a supervisor who initially treated me with respect but not her other students. I’ve gotten some very promising results on my lab project, and have been offered the opportunity to write a scientific paper for a very respectable journal. 

However, my supervisor has now started treating me badly too, even arguing with me for no reason and calling me rude names. I haven’t fought back as I don’t know what to do.

I’ve defended myself by saying I keep regular hours and work hard but I’ve never shown her disrespect, I just take it. She’s the graduate supervisor in my department, so she’s whom I’m supposed to go to if I have a problem with my supervisor.

- Perplexed, stressed and worried

You’re dealing with Jealousy cloaked in Power, and it’s potentially dangerous for your career. Keep a record of her troublemaking and name-calling; keep copies of all your written work in a safe place and try to ensure the safety of your project as well. Remain respectful even when she’s argumentative. 

If her goading you escalates or you suspect anything’s more amiss, be ready to deliver three copies of your running log on her mistreatment – one to her supervisor, another to the head of the department, and a third, if needed, to the board of governors of the university.

I’m 43, married for 18 years; we’re recently discussing whether to separate. It’s affecting my health now. Everyday, I’m thinking I cannot go on like this any more.

- Desperate!

Look after yourself first, discuss the marriage later. 

You need to seek professional help, and should start with your family doctor for treatment for health problems and low mood, before they worsen.

You CAN go on, and improve your life, once your inner strength and self-worth return.

Along with my dad and siblings, I’ve discovered my mother’s cheating. We’re all still living together. Dad has confronted her; I haven’t had a conversation with her in three months, and can’t look her in the eyes. I’ve lost all respect for her. 

Do I confront her?

Am I wrong for not being able to talk to her?

- Confused and hurt

Your mother’s actions broke a bond of trust and respect, but she’s still your mother and you don’t know the whole story (nor should you). That belongs to your parents; they need to discuss how and why it happened. 

Meanwhile, they’re not rushing to separate and may yet choose to work on their marriage.

Though your discomfort is understandable, it’s better to help ease tension now. Start speaking about day-to-day things. Do NOT confront her; your job is to be part of the family, as it evolves through this crisis.