My wife has left me, with my five children, due to differences in raising the kids.
She’s claiming constant verbal abuse. It’s hard to believe since I work seven days a week, am a great provider, and I LOVE THE KIDS!!
SHE DIDNT SEEK COUNSELLING, but wants to run away leaving me wondering what happened.
- Desperate for Help
It’s impossible for me to know whether your wife had any truth to her claim; I do know, however, that she must’ve been feeling desperate, to have left abruptly, and to be willing to handle such a large family on her own.
You have a right to be deeply hurt and confused. But it’s clear that while you worked hard to be a good economic provider, there was little time allotted to emotional togetherness.
If you differed on parenting, you needed discussion together on how to co-operate and blend your child-rearing ways.
Now, try to reach her with an emotional appeal – if you truly love her and want her back, offer to give up a day’s work every weekend, to spend time with the family. Suggest you both go to counselling together to work out other strategies for a better family life and mutual emotional support.
My best friend has left his wife, with whom I was also close. Whom do I support?
- Between Friends
Show caring for both. You don’t know their private trials behind closed doors. Be a good listener but not their bearer of messages or judgment.
I live with my common-law husband of 10 years, and our son aged four; we’re discussing a separation.
My husband is providing all the finances for us, and the properties are his or intended for his children from a previous marriage.
I quit work when I got pregnant.
My husband is very abusive (verbally and emotionally): he calls me names, humiliates me, threatens me etc - lately, in front of all the children.
Recently, he yelled that I just used him to stay at home.
He said he’ll automatically have the right to keep our child exclusively. I can then find work, rent an apartment, and may then apply for custody (if our son will want to live with me...). Is this true?
My husband is very successful man, charming, and very good at negotiating.
I’ve kept his house clean, cooked meals took practically all care of our baby. I’m ready to leave for a woman’s shelter (I did that two years ago, but come back as I felt terrible for my son), but right now we’re overseas, so I’m waiting.
My husband is planning to keep our son and raise him here.
- Distraught and Threatened
Get legal advice before you move out, and do NOT leave your son; you need full information about the best course to take.
Many women’s shelters have referral services to legal aid and counselling, as do community agencies such as a Family Services Association.
The courts do NOT automatically choose fathers over non-working mothers, when it comes to custody decisions. Most jurisdictions insist on child and spousal support for the single mom and her child, while she’s seeking work and advancing her circumstances.... especially when the father can afford it.
Your husband is trying to frighten you into staying with him. But you’re already frightened by the way he treats you. Become pro-active and self-protective by learning the facts about your rights as a longtime partner, a mother, and contributor to the home.
After 18 months together, the man of my dreams appears to have no backbone. He doesn’t know how to stand up to his controlling parents. To avoid confrontation with them, he faces it with me.
They come over unannounced and never ask about me!
We have busy schedules and limited time together. I don’t know how to deal with overbearing parents. We’re 30!
- Invaded
Couples need to set barriers with intrusive parents, and if your guy is scared of the reaction, he needs to plan it with you as a team.
But don’t expect him to just cut them out or chastise them. You, too, have to be a team player and find an acceptable visiting time e.g. once weekly.
Then, invite them over, and stay involved in their visit, working at a four-way conversation. Show some interest in his parents, and they’ll find interest in you.
Tip of the day:
In a marital split, there’s inevitably hurt and anger on all sides.
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