My mother-in-law is 55 and very obese. Her boyfriend, 65, is strange and never had a girlfriend before. He won’t answer his door or phone unless it’s anticipated, he won’t drive his own car, and is extremely cheap. He wouldn’t drive 10 miles for her surprise birthday! 

She yells at him in public because he won’t leave a tip. Also she belittles him at family functions.

No one in the family cares for him. Now they’re engaged, even though she says that seeing him on Saturdays is enough! I don’t get this lady. She’ll never find another man (because of her weight and personality) but why go through the misery and drag us through it?

I don’t want my kids to see this behaviour and think its normal.

- Fed up Son in Law

Curb your judgmental attitude towards your children’s grandmother, which is equally negative behaviour you’re showing. Her relationship isn’t about you and your family it’s about her need for someone who wants to be with her even sometimes. 

Both this man and she find some benefit in each other’s company, with all their “imperfections,” including the bickering.

The way to guide your children to good choices in relationships is to help them be compassionate about granny and her beau, while still explaining that there are better ways to communicate, and more compromises that can be made to get along. Then, make sure your own relationship models this kind of behaviour, since parents are the most important influence.

My boyfriend says he loves and wants to marry me, but is adamant that he doesn’t want children. 

I’m 36 and dearly want children. How can I convince him?

- Upset

Don’t even try. You have a serious conflict of important goals. Yours is the more pressing need, which could prompt you to try to get pregnant without his agreement, and that could cause lifelong resentment. 

Break off.

The relationship between me and my “best friend” feels one-sided. When I’m going through hard times - not often - she complains that we talk too much about me. 

However, our discussions are always about her. She creates problems and “drama.”

Currently, she’s giving me the silent treatment, again. She’s experiencing family difficulties and I’ve said I’m there for her. But I recently voiced my opinion on something in her life, as I think it’s important to tell her the truth, rather than take her side.

But she believes a friend agrees with you on everything, even if they don’t think you're right. So I’m being ignored.

- She’s Immature

You’re both skewed in your “friendship” codes - she sounds self-absorbed, but your approach is self-righteous. When people care about each other in a close friendship, they don’t deliver harsh “truths” until it’s appropriate. First, they listen, show empathy, ask questions that might lead the person to see the issue differently. 

In this case, you don’t have to agree with her, you just have to understand why she feels that why. When asked your honest opinion, you give it then.

If you’re going to continue this “best friend” connection, realize that a Drama Queen will always seek attention through problems she has or creates, and apologize if you hurt her.

However, if you can’t take the repeated scenarios, stop butting your head against her style and cool the communication. That’s what she’s doing, and it may be a signal for you to make sure you have other friends who are less troublesome.

My ex-boyfriend of two years told his mom he loved me, but as we got more serious, he pulled away. 

I ended it nine months ago but I’m still in love.

Mutual friends have said that his new girlfriend looks just like me. Was he just too afraid of how serious we were? Why did he pull away if he thought I was the one?

- Confused

The “L” word doesn’t automatically mean a lifetime contract. 

Your ex may have loved you, but still wasn’t ready for a long-term commitment… especially if he felt he was being pushed into one.

Getting “serious” requires two people to discuss how they feel about it, what they want for the future, with plans and timing comfortable for both. But it seems that you two never resolved what wasn’t working between you. Perhaps you listened to your own desires more than hearing his.

Move on.