I’m 23, and have had a great guy friend for several years, although there’s always been some level of sexual tension present.
Recently, he admitted he'd been in love with me forever. I admitted the same, and we started sleeping together. I was ecstatic - he was amazing and so was the sex.
A couple of weeks later, he said that while he’s more attracted to me than anyone he's ever met, he’s been wondering about his sexual orientation.
While I want him to figure out his issues, I also think (and he agrees) that we have incredible, unique chemistry, physically and emotionally, and it's crazy not to see where it goes. It's also hard for me to believe that he could be gay or even bi-sexual, after seeing how attracted he is to me, and because he's 23 and never questioned his orientation before now.
Should I try to pursue something with him, or try to forget him and salvage the friendship?
- Taken by Storm
His questioning of his sexual orientation means he’s not ready for the full-on heterosexual relationship you’re seeking. Give him the room he needs to figure this out for himself, without pressure or attempts to sway him through your great “chemistry.”
It might even be difficult for a while to resume the same level of close friendship. This is due to the confusion in his mind, and likely some awkwardness too, plus the possibility you’ll feel hurt and rejected if there’s no further sexual connection.
Coming to terms with sexual orientation can happen to a man or woman at any age. This is a critical time for him to handle his uncertainty and its best if he does it on his own.
I’m a 22-year-old man who’s never been in a relationship, but I know how to converse with females and make them laugh.
I’m attractive, outgoing, funny, but I never get to that point with them.
My female friends tell me I deserve a good woman, yet I can't seem to find one anywhere.
The females who are attracted to me are not my type; those I do like, only want me as a friend.
Should I be more aggressive towards the females I like? I’m self-conscious around the ones I’m attracted to.
- Unsure how to proceed
Practice. Enjoy your female friends and get comfortable with them, so your self-consciousness lessens among all women. Talk to the ones with whom you feel comfortable as pals and learn their interests, what appeals to them in guys, how they like to be approached.
Then, when you meet someone special, try to proceed as if she’s like the others you know, but go slowly.
Try meeting new women through activities, so that it’s likely you’re sharing some common interests.
Remember that many females your age are just as inexperienced at relationships as you are, and will appreciate your being interested but not aggressive in trying to get to know them.
I’m 20, living with my boyfriend of one year; I’m not working, but I’m looking for work. My boyfriend’s 29 and working.
When we started our relationship things were going good - good sex life, we went everywhere with each other, we talked about everything. I moved out for three months because things changed.
When I moved back in with him, everything fell apart again - we go our separate ways, we don't talk, he goes out every day and doesn’t ask if I want to go along, and he always hangs out with a female friend. He calls her almost everyday and if she’s going out to the mall he’ll tell her to come pick him up. But she has kids and a boyfriend of six years whom she loves.
I don't ask if she and my boyfriend are having something, because he said what he does is his business and what I do is mine. I don't mind if he goes out but not everyday.
Is that asking too much and is that being controlling, and jealous?
I do like him but I don't know about love and he feels the same way too.
Move out. You’re not even enjoying being roommates, and there’s nothing left of a relationship here.
You need to find your own life – get a job, build some self-confidence, and think ahead about what you want from a relationship before you plunge into another.
Tip of the day:
Questioning one’s own sexual orientation is a personal quest that requires time for acceptance and adjustment.