I clean my boyfriend's house, do his laundry, dishes and other tasks; I'm retired; he isn't, so I have more available time. I spend about l5-20 hours a week on this, so it's like a part-time job.

I seldom ask for a favour in return. Yet when I ask him to do something for me, he always forgets e.g. my television isn't working so I asked for the phone number of a television repairman whom he knows. He's forgotten all about it.

I sometimes feel like I'm not important to him, and taken for granted. Should I move on?

Questioning

Ask yourself just what you do get out of your "part-time job." If it's companionship with someone you enjoy, and affection from someone you love, maybe the "I-forgets" aren't so hard to take.

But if you feel unvalued a great deal of the time, if you're living as a housekeeper with minimal compensation.... and if you're asking the question, start working out the logistics of "moving on." You can get a job house cleaning anywhere.

Our next-door neighbours' children are noisy in their backyard pool for HOURS! Most days we cannot enjoy quiet on our backyard deck.

We've heard their parents threaten punishment if they don't quiet down but they never remove the kids from the pool. We're certain they won't react favourably if we complain.

No Peace

A heat wave is hard on everyone, kids too. But neighbours need to try to discuss problems, amiably. Take over some age-appropriate children's activities books and ask the parents if they could occupy the kids for a "quiet time" for a part of the day when you're outside. Other times, sit in the front.

I'm a black woman who married into a white family; from Day One there were racist comments. If I say anything about it, I'm called a troublemaker, accused of having a chip on my shoulder and always being asked, why are you defensive?

My husband never defended me. He always says that I'm too sensitive and his family's just trying to be helpful and giving me constructive criticism. His mother would come to my house and demand how much I paid for any new furniture. She'd then accuse me of spending her son's money wastefully. Yet her daughter always buys expensive furniture and doesn't get the same treatment.

My mother-in-law would go to the Salvation Army and the like, buy beat-up furniture and give it to me. When I objected she'd call me selfish and rude. My husband always takes her side and says she's trying to help but I'm not helping if I don't accept these old, torn items. Why does she do this?

I've been with my husband for 24 years and nothing has changed. I cry every night and wonder why they will never accept me!!

Deeply Hurt

Your in-laws are racist, but what's the matter with your husband? He knew what his parents were like before he met you, so either he's a Mama's boy who won't speak up, or he's ignorant too.

You've accepted all this for a long time. Enough. It's time to confront your husband instead of his parents. He shows no respect for you OR himself, and no backbone.

Consider talking to a lawyer about your rights in your jurisdiction, in case you decide to leave him. Crying's a waste of your energy in this case...but re-building your confidence to stand up for yourself is not.

In my family, all the kids were treated pretty equally until high school graduation. At that point, I paid for pretty much all my education, up to and including a professional degree.

Meanwhile, both my siblings were provided with cars, as well as a fully paid education, by my parents. This was followed by future contributions to fund cars and houses.

I discussed this with both parents, and was advised that they were proud of my self-sufficiency. The explanation didn't help much, and we agreed to disagree on the issue.

I eventually realized that my parents weren't perfect, and that dwelling on it only served to harm me. Today, my wife and I as parents have strived to pay equal amounts to support both our children, in their extracurricular activities, and academic pursuits.

Learned Better

More power to you for rising above resentments from the past. Your parents are undoubtedly still proud of you.