My girlfriend and I are in our early-50s, both twice-divorced, have our own homes; we were in love, having met again at our grade-school reunion two years ago. 

We’ve discussed our past sex lives, which I don’t think is always a good thing!!!

We’ve made new friends, our sex life is amazing, but she’s said she can’t trust me, though I’ve been totally devoted to only her.

We call each other on the phone while we’re working, but if my phone dies, she thinks I’m screwing around.

Her distrust has been somewhat of an annoyance. I keep telling her she’s the only one, I won’t leave her, she’s made me feel alive again.

Please advise.

- Devoted One

Dear Readers, take heed: Whether from a misguided sense of bonding, or an unwitting desire to boast, it is NOT wise or useful to a new relationship to tell all about your sexual past, except for it being absolutely crucial for you to disclose if you have a sexually transmitted disease. 

That said, Devoted One, time is going to have to be your ally in this situation. It seems you’ve alerted her to past behaviour that showed you to be restless in relationships and/or a player. Only through time and continued fidelity can she see that you’ve given up those old ways.

However, if her distrust persists beyond a year of a committed relationship, the problem is her own insecurity, and that requires her getting professional therapy.

My boyfriend of three years, age 50, is a 30-year drinker - it’s been a year since his commitment to me to get sober but he’s drinking more, flirting and having affairs. 

My biggest fear is his health.

We’re in a very long-distance relationship, so I only see him a couple of times a year. I’ve asked friends to help him but he’s a charmer and everyone thinks I’m the crazy girlfriend, though he’s been arrested once for abusing me and also doesn’t remember his verbal abuse, or even his affairs.

He’s an executive in a big firm, and successful. He’s drinking three bottles of wine a night or sometimes eight vodka tonics in several hours, hardly remembers how he got home or what he said to me or to people at dinner.

He has two kids from his first marriage, who he adores - they live in another country and so don’t know his condition.

I don’t know how I can get him to get help.

- Small-town Girl

You cannot help this man, but you can help yourself. Start by asking yourself why you’ve stayed committed to an alcoholic womanizer who abuses you, and whom you rarely see. “Love” just doesn’t cut it as an answer, since you have little chance to give or receive love from him, and only get slapped down when together. 

He’s not going to change, not for you. He may one day wake up due to a health scare (ultimately, he’ll have one); or get fired when his drinking gets more visibly out of control. But until then, your best “help” is to stop feeling responsible for this man’s well being, since he does not.

Joining an Al-Anon support group will bring you more understanding and insight into alcoholism, but since you’re so limited from being with him, I strongly recommend you also focus on finding people to date who have the potential for being healthy, loving partners on a full-time basis.

I’m 20, and partied hard since 18. 

Last summer I fell in love. I gave up the nightlife and some of my friends just to be with this guy; he began doing illegal things.

My father is a police officer and I’m scared my boyfriend will get caught, and my father will know.

I asked my boyfriend to give it up, and he said he needed space. He’s out all night, not with me, because he says he needs to be with “the guys” all the time.

Am I asking for too much?

- Growing Up

You’re asking for normalcy, instead of constant risk; you want your father’s approval of your boyfriend, and you’re ready for a more mature relationship of doing things as a couple and hanging out together. 

However, this guy is NOT ready or wanting these things. He’s locked into the gang and their activities.

Walk away, before you have to run.