I’m in a 17-month relationship with someone who has four kids from two previous relationships; we have a beautiful six-month daughter yet he treats our baby differently from his other kids. He doesn’t give her any attention, though he has no problem giving attention to the other kids. 

I was happy I got pregnant, because he’s a good dad to his other kids. I asked him why not with ours; he said he feels sorry that his boys don’t live with both parents.

All I heard was “I feel sorry for them that me and their mom aren’t together.” Even if the other kids aren’t around, he still doesn’t hold her or play with our daughter. He barely talks to her, and when he’s mad at me, he ignores her.

I don’t know what to do.

- Depressed Mom

Speak up for your child; don’t let frustration and anger muffle your voice. And avoid seeing this as a competition with the other children, or as a jealousy issue about his previous relationships. He’s chosen to be with you; and his regrets about not seeing more of his other kids are natural. 

But it is NOT natural to ignore his own innocent baby who’s living with him. Tell him you won’t accept this any longer; that it’s emotionally harmful to his daughter to live in an atmosphere of rejection.

Instead, if he continues this way, you’d have to leave him… and then, he’ll be responsible for yet another child growing up without a Dad’s presence.

After all, your relationship is already at risk due to this divide.

Meanwhile, see your doctor about how you’re feeling; you and the baby both need your strength and self-confidence.

My husband is old-school macho and scoffs if I say I need help with the laundry, house-cleaning, kids, etc., since I also work part-time. He says his mother managed to do it all.

- Frustrated

Have The Talk with him about what partnership means: Either he helps out personally, or he agrees to your hiring other help (e.g. a cleaning service). 

If he still resists, tell him to take his laundry to Mom, because you’re cutting back on service.

We rarely see my son and his girlfriend, never got invited to their place, even though my husband and I don’t live far and are never too busy for our two sons. 

Now they’re planning on purchasing a house and I’d previously mentioned I’d be happy to help them financially. How do I do this without feeling resentful?

My son’s changed towards us since they’ve been together. All we want is for our son to be happy and to remember us and his brother.

- Unappreciated

Down payments don’t buy appreciation that isn’t already there. 

Talk to your son on his own. Say that though you’ve previously offered financial help, you’ve been put off being involved in his life by his seeming disinterest in your family. (He may feel that more distance was needed, once he had a partner, so be prepared to discuss that). Explain that you’re seeking a mutual support network between relatives, not just a one-way relationship.

Also, talk to a lawyer and consider several ways of handling the down payment… whether as a straight-up gift, as an interest-free “loan” with no payment schedule, or other method.

Remember, what you do financially for one child, will be expected by another; otherwise feelings of unequal treatment can cause huge family rifts.

I’m 50, and over 10 years of study, became convinced there’s no proof of a God. 

As a lifelong Catholic, I’m now a secret atheist and don’t attend church anymore. My aging parents would disown me if they knew. How do I stay honest with them? They still think I’m a regular, church-going Catholic. Luckily, they live elsewhere and I see them only occasionally.

- Non-Believer

Your belief system is a personal matter and normally needn’t be explained. 

When talking with your parents, try to divert them with other topics, and ask them about their own life and activities. If you visit them, it would be respectful to attend a service if they ask; being kind to parents does not contradict your opinions.

However, if they probe you about your faith, be honest without being critical. Say you’ve been deep in study and questioning, and have taken a break from traditional observance.